Pleasure, Intimacy & Relationships Advice

Rough Sex Anyone?My current lover and I have been having quite rough sex. Hair pulling,  choking and slapping, etc. I am really enjoying it in the moment but afterwards feel a bit strange about it. He is very loving and respectful generally, but I worry I am betraying my feminist principles by allowing / enjoying…

Navigating Casual SexIt ain’t what you do, it’s the way that you do it.Not everyone is able to be (or wants to be) in a long-term relationship; monogamous or otherwise. More people are relying on casual sex, friends with benefits (FWB) type arrangements or irregular connections for sexual pleasure. People in a variety of age…

The Desire MythIf you could take a pill to make food you don’t like, enjoyable, would you take it?If you could take a pill to make yourself watch movies you didn’t like, would you do it?If you could take a pill to make grocery shopping more exciting, would you take it?If you don’t particularly like…

How to Have A Healthy Relationship With Valentine’s Day just around the corner, we are about to get bombarded with messages about creating the perfect Valentine’s Day date for your beloved. But the truth is, love isn’t nourished only one day a year. Love is an action. It’s a lifestyle. It’s a way of being…

Sex & The Vagus Nerve Learn how working with body can reduce tension and help you have better sex. Many of us feel uncomfortable about sex. After all we liv in a culture that doesn’t respect it and doesn’t teach us much, but instead tells us it’s natural – we get tricked into thinking there’s nothing…

My Partner Cheated On Me. Now What?There’s no two ways about it. Being cheated on really hurts. While profoundly destabilizing, cheating is common both in marriages (estimated at 25%) and dating relationships (higher still). Even in non-monogamous relationships, people still may be inclined to cheat, bend the truth or even break the rules. The days…

I Cheated. Now What?What To Do When You’ve Had An Affair.No one likes to think of themselves as a cheater, yet conservative estimates suggest cheating happens in approximately 25% of marriages, with numbers being potentially greater in dating relationships. With those figures, it’s likely that you, your partner, or someone you know has been affected…

Deepening Connection With Your PartnerNot a week goes by in my practice without meeting a couple who have lost connection. What was once a flurry of feelings and giggles has become little more than ‘meh’.I get it.Life gets in the way – everything else becomes a priority, then all of a sudden you find yourself…

Rekindling The Flame    …when life gets in the way Date nights are great. They can remind you of why you fell in love way back in the beginning, but not if you just sit there staring at each other, or worse still, anxiously waiting for terror to strike in the form of a text…

How to Touch Your Lover(Like You Mean It!)One of the most basic forms of human connection is touch. For so many of us it’s hard to imagine life without it. From erotic passion to profound love, there is no deeper expression of affection, emotion and eroticism. Sadly, so many of us are touch-starved, not only…

Less Sex, Bad Sex & Sex Tech Recent stats show that young people are having less sex than any generation before them. Despite the so called ‘sex recession’ there is no evidence to suggest that other adult generations are also hit by this decline in carnal activities. In fact to the contrary, those over 55…

Is everything we believe about monogamy wrong? Last night I attended Open Love NY’s panel / discussion event with Wednesday Martin (author of Untrue and Primates of Park Avenue) and Christopher Ryan (Sex At Dawn) discussing their respective books and the data that suggests humans are hardwired for non-monogamy. TL;DR – Looking at the history…

Getting Triggered in Relationships   The word ‘triggered’ occurs frequently on social media.  Originally the word was used in clinical contexts to describe responses arising from complex trauma and PTSD (post traumatic stress disorder) such as complicated behavior, chronic anxiety or panic.  While its clinical meaning hasn’t changed, it’s used more colloquially to describe emotional…

How to Make Sex Last Longer One of the most common questions I am asked is how to make sex last longer. For many of you, especially cis men, sex becomes challenging when you have to slow down and allow the encounter to lead you. After all, you long to be in control. You want…

How We Unlearn PleasureObserve children playing outdoors. Whether together or alone, they are totally engaged and at-one with the moment they are experiencing. They let their emotions flow through them without filter. They are never thinking “This pleasure isn’t good enough” then spend the rest of playtime moping about it. They simply indulge whole-heartedly in the experience; the…

The (short) history of the PenisThe penis has been enormously influential in shaping our beliefs and the cultural history of the world. Revered and feared in societies across the world, its name ‘penis’ comes from the Latin, meaning ‘tail’ and is the ultimate symbol of masculinity worldwide. Temples in India were once erected (no pun intended) in their honor,…

On Wanting & Being Wanted In disconnected relationships, partners treat each other as a burden, an obligation, a chore or errand. They cease to see each other as the individuals that caught their attention and once-upon-a-time, dazzled them with excitement and possibility. Over time, that excitement turns to disconnect; boredom, frustration, loneliness and even resentment.…

I’ve Lost My LibidoHi Cyndi, I am 23 years old and I’m facing a difficult moment sexually because I have lost my libido. I have no interest in sex and the worst is that I don’t enjoy it anymore. What are some ways I can get my libido back? (Ps: I’ve been on the pill…

Sex, Death & Erotic Values“When we first got together I really enjoyed sex with my partner, but over time it started to change. I didn’t hate it, not at all, I just wanted it less often than him. There were other ways of connecting that I got more from  and we just cruised along for…

UNDERSTANDING YOUR EROTIC VALUESMany relationships counselors will talk about ‘relationship values’. Relationship values are what motivates us to find fulfillment in a relationship. For example, security is often a strong value people hold about intimate relationships. Without this, the relationship feels unfulfilling because it’s a value that matters to us. Others say connection, companionship or…

When Love Hurts…My post just before the holidays late last year was a reflection on the struggles of having unresolved feelings during ‘happy’ times. When we don’t join in with the ‘happy-happy-joy-joy’ we can feel we are the odd one out. Significant cultural celebrations like the afore mentioned holidays and the upcoming Valentine’s day can be…

Women & That ‘Orgasm’ ProblemOne of the most frequently asked questions I get from women in my practice is about their ability to orgasm.Orgasm is the main outcome or goal many of us focus on when discussing sex. In terms of both language and culture it’s the  default used determine whether or not sex has been…

5 Communication Problems That Erode RelationshipsRelationships are complex. Whether at work, home, family or friends – our relationships make up so much of what is important in our lives. Despite this, relationships are also a source of struggle for many of us, if not all of us at one time or another. This is because…

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