Sex, Relationships & The Single PersonAre you tired of reading about sex and relationships advice that always centers partnered people and those in relationships? Me too. So here I want to talk to the single people, because singles are often left out of discussions of sex and relationships, not to mention the effects of living single a society obsessed with romance and marriage. Being so-called ‘single’ is often touted as a jubilant right of passage. Swinging bachelors, sexy mamacitas, horn dogs… the list goes on. Single people are expected to embrace singledom, independence, be fierce and be loving it. Yet simultaneously, the recipients of so much pity. In my 20s and 30s I spent much of my life single but dating. Many, many flings, a few relationships, many genders, many configurations. I was the envy of my partnered and single friends alike in a lot of ways. And, granted, much of it was fun. And much of it was simultaneously shit. People would ask me, “Why are you still single? You’re so pretty” “You just haven’t met the right person yet” and the dreaded – “Don’t you worry about having babes?”… Good grief. People felt so entitled to access my innermost world, without a thought for the invasion of privacy that landed on me from the machine gun of ‘concern’ for my wellbeing. And I say so-called ‘single’, because so much of the stigma that goes with being ‘single’ is not because one is not in an intimate partnership, but because of what single means in our culture, and how you are treated. The stigma, the pity, the assumptions… the forced self-love, self-sufficiency, the othering, the either / or nature of romantic relationships in our culture leaves us feeling like we are in a constant tug-o-war between relationship or not relationship. Perhaps some of these catch phrases have been thrown at you about your dating and relationship status
- You can’t love someone else until you love yourself first
- Do you want a relationship or are you just lonely?
- Are you settling?
- Wait for the right person - don’t settle.
- If you’re not happy being single you won’t be happy in a relationship