Frequently Asked Questions
What's Your Philosophy & Approach?
Your options for our sessions are here.
First and foremost we identify your hopes and your problem/s then we work toward solutions. (It’s amazing how many people try to change their lives, relationships and sexual dynamics without first establishing the incentives or problems.)
I offer specialized perspectives on topics most clinicians are not trained in or shy away from. Unlike a lot of more traditional approaches that remain solely in the mind, I help you reduce the mind / body split and get connected to your body, your senses, your feelings and, where required, the birthright that is your (erotic) embodied self.
There is an abundance of clinical data and theory that confirm how a blend of somatic and cognitive approaches work best for long-term, effective change.
You were born this way and our work is designed to take you back home. I use various talk techniques as well as somatic (body-based) and emotional experiencing techniques as the tools for change.
Sessions are focused on the 'here-and-now' to help you develop skills and confidence where you need them most. Sometimes we look at history where knowledge from the past is holding you back in the present, but mostly we look at where you are today and where you want to be. I draw on a profound range of ideas, up-to-date clinical research and useful, transformative physical, mental and emotional practices to help you create a meaningful understanding of sex, pleasure and relationships in your life.
If typical talk therapy leaves you feeling like you're going in circles with no action, no challenges and no skills, you'll love working with me. We chat, we laugh, we talk about big stuff , practice incorporating new ideas, practices and ways of dealing with old problems. You'll likely get homework to try and with your commitment, changes can happen pretty quickly.
The benefit of a small, bespoke practice is the premium service offered and support between sessions. Quick fixes, 'hacks' and endless talking are simply not going to cut it in these contexts, so you can be assured of the quality and laser-focused attention you are getting.
What About Personal Counseling & Coaching?
In addition to personal intimacy & communication work I help people integrate many aspects of life, because well-being cannot be separated from the rest of your life.
I take an existential, strengths-based and skills-oriented approach to working with the mind, body, heart, emotions and areas of struggle. I offer ongoing assistance for:
- *Life management and generally getting-your-shit-together
- *Healing family of origin wounds & inner child work
- *Managing grief, loss & sadness
- *Overcoming guilt, shame & stuckness
- *Managing change, discomfort & uncertainty
- *Assistance with major life transitions like divorce, immigration and relocation
- *Developing self-trust, intuition and self-care strategies
- *Unpacking complexities like privilege, gender & power (all genders)
- *Better communication for fulfilling friendships & relationships of all kinds
- *Cultivating & engaging emotional intelligence for business and pleasure
- *Embodied living for more joy
- *Overcoming procrastination and distraction
Can You Help Us With Just Couple's / Relationships Work ?- (Because we don't want sex therapy)
Couples' & Relationship sessions are not the same as sex therapy sessions. In couples' work, we focus on communication, emotional processing and skill development as a couple.
In couples' work we identify your hopes and your problem/s then we work toward solutions. It’s amazing how many people try to change their relationships and dynamics without first establishing the incentives or problems.
Relationship sessions are specifically offered to couples or lovers who want to explore new relationship & communication possibilities or whose relationships have lost traction, focus or direction. Relationship sessions help you remember why you’re together and enable strategies to help you create the kind of satisfying relationships you want. They may or may not include individual sessions and sexuality work.
Relationship sessions help you:
- *get clearer about what you want.
- *get clear about what you’re willing to do (or not do) to get it.
- *recognize your boundaries and how to say them out loud.
- *learn to listen better and be the kind of partner you would like to be.
- *understand your needs and the needs of your partner(s).
- *reframe what ‘relationship’ means to you and work towards realigning yourselves to that.
- *take responsibility for what’s working in the relationship.
- *take responsibility for what’s not working and do it differently.
- *understand where you have power and where you don’t.
- *practice accepting limitations and living with compassion.
- *understand the power (and responsibility) of freedom and love
- *learn to build empathy and compassion
In many cases miscommunications can arise from issues, that if caught early enough, may be easy to solve. That said, communication is a skill that requires participation from all involved. Relationship sessions in some cases are a necessary precursor to sexuality work as communication is the foundation upon which everything else sits. Without a solid foundation, anything you build will eventually collapse.
Relationship sessions are useful for people who find themselves:
- *in the same arguments over and over again.
- *misunderstanding or being misunderstood.
- *deeply frustrated with no way out.
- *still in love with their partner, but knowing it can’t go on like this.
- *genuinely wanting to connect with their partner but just don’t know how.
- *hoping to better understand the relationship they currently have.
- *eager to rekindle the passion they once had.
- *without clarity but willing to discover what they want from the relationship & each other.
- *wanting to understand their relationship patterns and the effect they have.
- *interested in creating a better future together.
- *keen to invest in strategies that bring more connection, intimacy and pleasure.
- *committed to working through blockages and problems including infidelity
- *interested in solutions that are liberating (& sometimes sit outside the square).
Relationship sessions can be challenging, heart-opening and inspirational. They require dedication and commitment to get the changes you seek.
Complicated feelings are most definitely welcome, but we will focus on developing the skills you need to change and break free from bad habits. Working with me is a practice and a ritual I invite you to undertake as respectfully and openly as I do. Love and honesty are not for the faint-hearted, but if you are willing to commit to the process, I am willing to support you every step of the way. I will not tolerate or accept bickering, arguing or abuse in my sessions – ever.
Relationship sessions can not ever guarantee outcomes, but it most definitely can help you work out what drives your relationship patterns and what to do about them being out of control or ruining your connection. With clarity, insight, dedication and compassion you can turn your relationships around to create the kind of connection you want.
If you are serious about intimacy and developing your relationship, I am here to help.
What Relationship Counseling Is Not
Sometimes couples think these sessions will ‘save‘ their relationship. This is true sometimes, other times not. Sometimes, long-term resentments are too embedded and the sad truth is, it may be too late to 'save' the relationship. This will be determined by you. I can’t and don’t do anything to save you or your relationship, but I will support you all the way by listening, reflecting and providing resources and useful strategies to experience yourselves and each other in more helpful ways.
No relationship is perfect so we do not strive for perfection, but rather, understanding. Solutions are co-created with you, your partner and me. Relationship sessions help you see your problems more clearly and objectively. You get to understand where things are going wrong and consider whether you’re willing to make the changes required to ‘save‘ the relationship or perhaps change it to accommodate everyone’s needs better. Some people decide they will do anything to save their relationships and take on the challenges change presents, while others decide the relationship is not worth saving, they don’t want to change themselves or anything about the relationship or opt for a new life instead. These may be successful outcomes for the people involved too. How a relationship ends can be as important as how it starts or how it functions.
I am honest and brave and I teach you to be honest and brave too. I teach you how to trust yourselves and each other. This is where intimacy lives. My role is not to be a referee and decide who is ‘right’ and who is ‘wrong’. I will point out imbalances or patterns and provide strategies to deal with them, but I can’t make you do anything you do not want to do. I won’t help you choose the best color for the bathroom, but I will help you see why you keep arguing about it and whether you want to learn to manage it differently. Ultimately I help you decide what is the best course of action for your relationship and help you make a plan to do this through communication skills, emotional management, compromise and self-reflection.
These sessions can run along with sexuality work, or just on relationships.
For Sex Therapy, Is There Touching Involved?
No. I do not touch you sexually or intimately at all. And you do not touch me. I may give you touching homework to practice alone or with a partner. Many traditional somatic sexology practices can be simulated in session and achieve the same effect as hands-on work and somatic experiencing (TM) techniques.
What are your Hours & Locations?
- For the foreseeable future, all consulting sessions are happening via Zoom secure platform, (this has been an especially effective tool for many clients globally).
- Standard consulting hours are Monday - Thursday morning, afternoon & evenings EST
- Couple's Weekend Intensive Retreats are advanced practice weekends not standard consults. They are held in-person in NYC or at your preferred venue. See the page description for more.
How Many Sessions Do I / We Need?
Let's start with this:
*Spend the time, up-front, to do the job right, so that there's no reason to keep doing it over.
Change takes time - you'll need to accept this. But how much time is case-by-case. People want to know how long this process takes - 'it depends' is always my answer.
People who have done a lot of personal development work tend to adapt more easily than absolute beginners. You can assess that for yourself.
That said, people start experiencing changes after the first session and generally 10-20 sessions is common. Our work together is short-to-medium term. With your dedication to the practice, in 10 sessions you will have a richer understanding of what you're experiencing and the tools you need to create change. In 20 you will be on your way to making lasting, satisfying, permanent change and in 30 you’ll have a whole new relationship to yourself and your problems (including sex, pleasure and intimacy.)
We will co-create a therapeutic connection and really invest in getting you the change you seek. After you feel you've gotten to where you want to be in your own time, you’re welcome to stay as long as you like after that. In between sessions, you will have access to me via email and text, so you will feel fully supported all the way. Many people enjoy the ongoing relationship. It's important we are a good fit and I am as particular about you, as you are about me. Not everyone is a good fit, so it's important we are in alignment in our wishes and intentions. Choosing a professional is like choosing a friend.
- *Ongoing 45/90-minute session for individuals / couples / other relationship configurations
- *Couple's Starter packages of 5 x 90 min sessions 3 month expiration*Couple's sessions start at 90 mins because there are two of you and so we can really get in there and get things sorted out. After that, we shift to 45 min sessions. (Longer term, my goal is for you to not need me more than, say, 1-4 times a year.)
- *Intensive Weekend Couple's Retreats only by application
Where Do We Start?
You first decide you are ready for change and ready to level up. You are ready to compassionately cut through the BS to help you get closer to where you want to be - personally, romantically and sexually. You're ready to discover your desires and passions & integrate this new powerful wisdom. You are ready to be met with both passion and compassion. You want support, education and facts to support your process. You may have been in therapy before or are ready to really take a deep dive into making some changes that previous therapists just didn't offer you. You're seeking guidance, strategy, sensitivity, accountability and are committed to really working on what's getting in your way. Contact me to begin the process
What Are Your Qualifications?
I am an internationally recognized sexuality and relationship expert and clinical sexologist with a proven record as a go-to expert in modern sexuality in the USA, UK and Australia. I am passionate about integrating somatics into clinical sexology in order to deepen clients' experience of sex therapy and sexual expression. I'm also a fully trained counselor and Narrative therapist. I'm published in both clinical journals and popular media. Check the About page here.
- *Master of Health Sciences (Sexual Health) (University of Sydney)
- *Master of Narrative Therapy & Community Work (University of Melbourne)
- *Post Graduate Diploma of Counselling and Human Services (La Trobe University)
- *Post Graduate Diploma of Applied Linguistics (La Trobe University)
- *Bachelor of Education (La Trobe University)
Not all relationship specialists are trained in sexuality and pleasure, and not all sexologists are competent at integrating relationship and life dynamics. Even fewer offer clinical skills along with sexological knowledge and somatic training. In this regard I am uniquely placed to serve a diverse community in sex & relationship work. I offer the whole package. You won't be passed-off to a junior or graduate level assistant.
Do You Mentor Clinicians & Professionals?
Yes. Most clinicians (traditional therapists, doctors, physical / physiotherapists, nurse practitioners, massage therapists, yoga teachers etc and even some sex therapists) are not adequately trained in comprehensive sexuality studies, somatic sexuality or how to integrate sexuality and complex sexual dynamics into clinical practice, even if their work crosses into the field. I offer extensive support for this. Read more about this here
What About LGBTQ & Sexual Minorities?
All genders, orientations and relationship styles are safe and welcome with me including kinksters, SWers, adult industry professionals and alt sex aficionados. I have ample experience across the world working with gender-diverse communities, SWer communities and those whose sexuality sits outside the margins.
What About Trauma?
Explicit continuing crisis trauma, like unresolved, ongoing violence and physical / sexual abuse require specialist immediate trauma intervention. If you are in immediate crisis / danger, we are not a good fit yet. When you are ready to start healing historic sexual and emotional trauma, working through family of origin issues and learning how to hold and support more peace within your body, my work is a perfect fit for you. We go at your pace as gentle or strong as you like. Healing the erotic and the soul is powerful and liberating work.
Do You Offer Couple's Weekends?
Yes indeed Couple's Intensive Weekend Retreats are available for a full weekend with me in person. I am also available to travel. More information is here
I Feel Nervous About Starting
Everyone does! EVERYONE!
I got you! That’s my job! Our work together is confidential. All you need to do is contact me.
Do You Offer Acute Mental Health Counseling?
No. Clients experiencing serious or severe chronic mental health issues are referred out to appropriate social work support / psychiatric services in their local area.
While I am clinically trained in mental health counseling, I do not offer diagnostic services nor support services for acute psychiatric conditions that are better served by an expert in these areas.
What Are Your Fees?
*Casual sessions (Full Fee)
standard 45 mins $250 Individual / $300 Couple
double length 90 min $450 Individual /$550 Couple
*Larger relationship configurations extra $70 per person per standard session.
*Packages of 5 x 90 mins sessions for intensive short-term work for couples/relationships. Inquire for more information & rates.
(If you're seeking longer-term options to work together on family of origin work or reduced fee amendments for long term sexual trauma work and/or longer-term recovery from sexualviolence / assault - see sliding scale conditions & form below).
Online session fees required in advance through Venmo, credit card or Paypal in US dollars.
Sliding scale places are strictly for people for whom the full fee is cost prohibitive and are seeking intensive sexual trauma recovery or family of origin work.
These are for online sessions only during business hours Eastern time. No evenings or weekends for reduced fees.
Please note couples sessions are 90 minutes while individual sessions are 45 mins. To be considered, you must complete this form.
Also consider accessing my work via the Online Pleasure School, which is the most cost effective way to get my information at a fraction of the cost.
Priority is given to individuals and couples from marginalized communities who are unable to pay for specialist help and are ready to begin their healing work. Not all requests can be honored.
Do You Take Insurance?
At this time, sexology is not covered by any insurances anywhere in the world. Therefore, I do not take insurance, however I am happy to provide you with itemized receipts for your time with me for you to use toward FSA reimbursments or tax credits /deductions.
I work with people across the the USA and the world and I enjoy the freedom that position affords me. I am not restricted by US state regulations in the way traditional psychotherapy is. This means you can work with me from anywhere and it's not covered by most insurances.
UNDERSTANDING THE VALUE OF SEXOLOGY
I understand that this work can be a big investment of both time and money, but with the right specialist (me) and your willingness to engage in the process, it can be extremely effective and valuable. You are essentially paying for the experience and the specialty, especially when it comes to any kind of sex therapy, counseling or coaching. I do offer a sliding scale for those seeking long term work and who meet the criteria – (see the relevant form above under FEES) but for most people this work is a short to medium term endeavor that is as rewarding as it is liberating.
Billing and receipts for your out of pocket fees are supplied discretely from Life & Soul Inc (neither my name or 'sex' for your privacy) for either personal /educational /wellness coaching, counseling and consulting services. Let me know your preferences.
This style of work is usually falls under 'wellness' not medical, and is typically not reimbursed by OoN insurance. I do not use diagnostic codes so they will not appear on your receipt. These codes are used only by insurance companies to process claims.
You may be able to submit your receipt for coaching and wellness reimbursement through your FSA or HSA, (sometimes with a Letter of Medical Necessity). This varies by plan and you should check with your provider. Personal & couple's coaching usually qualifies for reimbursement as “health coaching” under workplace wellness benefits.