Frequently Asked Questions
What's Your Philosophy & Approach?
Your options for our sessions are here.
First and foremost we identify your hopes and your problem/s then we work toward solutions. (It’s amazing how many people try to change their lives, relationships and sexual dynamics without first establishing the incentives or problems.)
I offer specialized perspectives on topics most clinicians are not trained in or shy away from. Unlike a lot of more traditional approaches that remain solely in the mind, I help you reduce the mind / body split and get connected to your body, your senses, your feelings and, where required, the birthright that is your (erotic) embodied self.
There is an abundance of clinical data and theory that confirm how a blend of somatic and cognitive approaches work best for long-term, effective change.
You were born this way and our work is designed to take you back home. I use various talk techniques as well as somatic (body-based) and emotional experiencing techniques as the tools for change.
Sessions are focused on the 'here-and-now' to help you develop skills and confidence where you need them most. Sometimes we look at history where knowledge from the past is holding you back in the present, but mostly we look at where you are today and where you want to be. I draw on a profound range of ideas, up-to-date clinical research and useful, transformative physical, mental and emotional practices to help you create a meaningful understanding of sex, pleasure and relationships in your life.
If typical talk therapy leaves you feeling like you're going in circles with no action, no challenges and no skills, you'll love working with me. We chat, we laugh, we talk about big stuff , practice incorporating new ideas, practices and ways of dealing with old problems. You'll likely get homework to try and with your commitment, changes can happen pretty quickly.
The benefit of a small, bespoke practice is the premium service offered and support between sessions. Quick fixes, 'hacks' and endless talking are simply not going to cut it in these contexts, so you can be assured of the quality and laser-focused attention you are getting.
What About Personal Counseling & Coaching?
In addition to personal intimacy & communication work I help people integrate many aspects of life, because well-being cannot be separated from the rest of your life.
I take an existential, strengths-based and skills-oriented approach to working with the mind, body, heart, emotions and areas of struggle. I offer ongoing assistance for:
- *Life management and generally getting-your-shit-together
- *Healing family of origin wounds & inner child work
- *Managing grief, loss & sadness
- *Overcoming guilt, shame & stuckness
- *Managing change, discomfort & uncertainty
- *Assistance with major life transitions like divorce, immigration and relocation
- *Developing self-trust, intuition and self-care strategies
- *Unpacking complexities like privilege, gender & power (all genders)
- *Better communication for fulfilling friendships & relationships of all kinds
- *Cultivating & engaging emotional intelligence for business and pleasure
- *Embodied living for more joy
- *Overcoming procrastination and distraction
Can You Help Us With Just Couples Counseling ?- (because we don't want sex therapy)
Couples' & Relationship sessions are not the same as sex therapy sessions. In couples' work, we focus on communication, emotional processing and skill development as a couple.
In couples' work we identify your hopes and your problem/s then we work toward solutions. It’s amazing how many people try to change their relationships and dynamics without first establishing the incentives or problems.
Relationship sessions are specifically offered to couples or lovers who want to explore new relationship & communication possibilities or whose relationships have lost traction, focus or direction. Relationship sessions help you remember why you’re together and enable strategies to help you create the kind of satisfying relationships you want. They may or may not include individual sessions and sexuality work.
Relationship sessions help you:
- *get clearer about what you want.
- *get clear about what you’re willing to do (or not do) to get it.
- *recognize your boundaries and how to say them out loud.
- *learn to listen better and be the kind of partner you would like to be.
- *understand your needs and the needs of your partner(s).
- *reframe what ‘relationship’ means to you and work towards realigning yourselves to that.
- *take responsibility for what’s working in the relationship.
- *take responsibility for what’s not working and do it differently.
- *understand where you have power and where you don’t.
- *practice accepting limitations and living with compassion.
- *understand the power (and responsibility) of freedom and love
- *learn to build empathy and compassion
In many cases miscommunications can arise from issues, that if caught early enough, may be easy to solve. That said, communication is a skill that requires participation from all involved. Relationship sessions in some cases are a necessary precursor to sexuality work as communication is the foundation upon which everything else sits. Without a solid foundation, anything you build will eventually collapse.
Relationship sessions are useful for people who find themselves:
- *in the same arguments over and over again.
- *misunderstanding or being misunderstood.
- *deeply frustrated with no way out.
- *still in love with their partner, but knowing it can’t go on like this.
- *genuinely wanting to connect with their partner but just don’t know how.
- *hoping to better understand the relationship they currently have.
- *eager to rekindle the passion they once had.
- *without clarity but willing to discover what they want from the relationship & each other.
- *wanting to understand their relationship patterns and the effect they have.
- *interested in creating a better future together.
- *keen to invest in strategies that bring more connection, intimacy and pleasure.
- *committed to working through blockages and problems including infidelity
- *interested in solutions that are liberating (& sometimes sit outside the square).
Relationship sessions can be challenging, heart-opening and inspirational. They require dedication and commitment to get the changes you seek.
Complicated feelings are most definitely welcome, but we will focus on developing the skills you need to change and break free from bad habits. Working with me is a practice and a ritual I invite you to undertake as respectfully and openly as I do. Love and honesty are not for the faint-hearted, but if you are willing to commit to the process, I am willing to support you every step of the way. I will not tolerate or accept bickering, arguing or abuse in my sessions – ever.
Relationship sessions can not ever guarantee outcomes, but it most definitely can help you work out what drives your relationship patterns and what to do about them being out of control or ruining your connection. With clarity, insight, dedication and compassion you can turn your relationships around to create the kind of connection you want.
If you are serious about intimacy and developing your relationship, I am here to help.
What Relationship Counseling Is Not
Sometimes couples think seeking advice will ‘save‘ their relationship. This is true sometimes, other times not. Sometimes, long-term resentments are too embedded and the sad truth is, it may be too late to save the relationship. This will be determined by you. I can’t and don’t do anything to save you or your relationship, but I will support you all the way by listening, reflecting and providing resources and useful strategies to experience yourselves and each other in more helpful ways.
No relationship is perfect so we do not strive for perfection, but rather, understanding. Solutions are co-created with you, your partner and me. Relationship sessions help you see your problems more clearly and objectively. You get to understand where things are going wrong and consider whether you’re willing to make the changes required to ‘save‘ the relationship or perhaps change it to accommodate everyone’s needs better. Some people decide they will do anything to save their relationships and take on the challenges change presents, while others decide the relationship is not worth saving, they don’t want to change themselves or anything about the relationship or opt for a new life instead. These may be successful outcomes for the people involved too. How a relationship ends can be as important as how it starts or how it functions.
I am honest and brave and I teach you to be honest and brave too. I teach you how to trust yourselves and each other. This is where intimacy lives. My role is not to be a referee and decide who is ‘right’ and who is ‘wrong’. I will point out imbalances or patterns and provide strategies to deal with them, but I can’t make you do anything you do not want to do. I won’t help you choose the best color for the bathroom, but I will help you see why you keep arguing about it and whether you want to learn to manage it differently. Ultimately I help you decide what is the best course of action for your relationship and help you make a plan to do this through communication skills, emotional management, compromise and self-reflection.
These sessions can run along with sexuality work, or just on relationships.
For Sex Therapy, Is There Touching Involved?
No. I do not touch you sexually or intimately at all. And you do not touch me. I may give you touching homework to practice alone or with a partner.
Hours & Locations?
- During COVID-19 all sessions are happening online
- In person sessions happen in upper Manhattan by appointment Monday - Thursday. day and evening sessions available.
- Weekend retreats are varied according to application
- All other sessions are online via Zoom video.
How Many Sessions Do I / We Need?
People start experiencing changes after the first session – generally 10-20 sessions is common. Our work together is short-to-medium term. With your dedication to the practice, in 10 sessions you will have a richer understanding of what you're experiencing and the tools you need to heal. In 20 you will be on your way to making lasting, satisfying, permanent change and in 30 you’ll have a whole new relationship to yourself and your problems (including sex, pleasure and intimacy.)
We will co-create a therapeutic connection and really invest in getting you the change you seek. After you feel you've gotten to where you want to be in your own time, you’re welcome to stay as long as you like after that. In between sessions, you will have access to me via email and text, so you will feel fully supported all the way. Many people enjoy the ongoing relationship. It's important we are a good fit and I am as particular about you, as you are about me. Not everyone is a good fit, so it's important we are in alignment in our wishes and intentions. Choosing a professional is like choosing a friend. Our initial clarity call allows us to explore this and your intentions more fully.
- Free initial 15 minute video call to see if we are a good fit (USA business hours only)
- Starter packages of 5 x 90 min sessions 3 month expiration
- Ongoing 45/90-minute session for individuals / couples
- V.I.P. Weekend Couple's Retreats only by application
How Do We Talk To You? Where Do We Start?
You first decide you are ready for change and ready to level up. You are ready to compassionately cut through the BS to help you get closer to where you want to be - personally, romantically and sexually. You're ready to discover your desires and passions & integrate this new powerful wisdom. You are ready to be met with both passion and compassion. You want support, education and facts to support your process. You may have been in therapy before or are ready to really take a deep dive into making some changes that previous therapists just didn't offer you. You're seeking guidance, strategy, sensitivity, accountability and are committed to really working on what's getting in your way. Contact me to begin the process
What Are Your Qualifications?
I am an internationally recognized sexuality and relationship expert and clinical sexologist with a proven record as a go-to expert in modern sexuality in the USA, UK and Australia. I'm also trained as a counselor and Narrative therapist. I'm published in both clinical journals and popular media. Check the About page here.
- Master of Health Sciences (Sexual Health) (University of Sydney)
- Master of Narrative Therapy & Community Work (University of Melbourne)
- Post Graduate Diploma of Counselling and Human Services (La Trobe University)
- Post Graduate Diploma of Applied Linguistics (La Trobe University)
- Bachelor of Education (La Trobe University)
Not all relationship specialists are trained in sexuality and pleasure, and not all sexologists are competent at integrating relationship and life dynamics. I offer the whole package. You won't be passed-off to a junior or graduate level assistant.
Do You Mentor Clinicians & Professionals?
Yes. Most clinicians ( therapists, doctors, physical / physiotherapists, yoga teachers etc) are not adequately trained in comprehensive sexuality studies, somatic sexuality or how to integrate sexuality and complex sexual dynamics into clinical practice. I offer extensive support for this. Read more about this here
What About LGBTQ & Sexual Minorities?
All genders, orientations and relationship styles are safe and welcome with me including kinksters, SWs, adult industry professionals and alt sex aficionados. I have ample experience working with gender-diverse communities, SW communities and those whose sexuality sits outside the margins.
What About Trauma?
Explicit continuing crisis trauma, like unresolved, ongoing violence and physical / sexual abuse require specialist trauma intervention. If you are in immediate crisis / danger, we are not a good fit yet. When you are ready to start healing historic sexual and emotional trauma, working through family or origin issues and learning how to hold and support more peace within your body my work is a perfect fit for you. We go at your pace as gentle or strong as you like. Healing the erotic and the soul is powerful and liberating work.
Do You Offer Couple's Weekends?
V.I.P Couple's Sensual Retreats are available for full weekend. I am also available to travel. More information is here
I Feel Nervous About Starting
I got you! That’s my job! Our work together is confidential. All you need to do is contact me.
Do You Offer Mental Health Counseling?
No. While I am clinically trained in mental health counseling, I do not offer diagnostic nor support services for chronic, severe or ongoing serious mental health or psychiatric conditions that are better served by an expert in these areas.
Clients experiencing serious /chronic mental health issues are referred out to appropriate support / psychiatric services in their area.
What Are Your Fees?
Online session fees required in advance through Venmo, credit card or Paypal in US dollars. In-person sessions (when available) include added options of cash & check.
*Packages for 5 x 90 mins sessions available for 3 months for intensive short term work
*Typical sessions range for individuals $200 - $450 (short / long sessions) and couples $250 - $550 (short/long sessions).
*Larger relationship configurations extra $70 per person
Some sliding scale places may be available for online sessions only during business hours Eastern time. To be considered, complete this form. Priority is given to individuals and couples from marginalized communities who are unable to pay for specialist help. Not all requests can be honored.
Do You Take Insurance?
These services are not eligible out-of-network coverage either.
In the USA you may be able to submit counseling for reimbursement through your FSA or HSA, often with a Letter of Medical Necessity. This varies by plan and you should check with your provider. I can not tell you more about that, it's in their hands.
The good news is that couple’s work and personal coaching usually qualifies for reimbursement as “health coaching” under workplace wellness benefits.
Billing and receipts are supplied discretely from Life & Soul Inc. Let's discuss further options for the best outcomes for you.