ADVICE

Up to date insight, tips and ideas for modern lives and relationships. From vulnerability to orgasm, pleasure and intimacy. From exploring complex emotions to better, more meaningful communication. From connection, real-world sex and empathy, to online dating and shame resilience, it’s all here.

Deepening Connection With Your Partner

Deepening Connection With Your PartnerNot a week goes by in my practice without meeting a couple who have lost connection. What was once a flurry of feelings and giggles has become little more than ‘meh’.I get it.Life gets in the way – everything else becomes a priority, then all of a sudden you find yourself

How Do I Know When To Set A Boundary?

How Do I Know When To Set A Boundary?Many of us do not know that we even have a boundary until it’s been crossed. For a lot of us, working out where our boundaries are, happens as we interact with life. It’s not necessarily something that happens purely as a mental exercise. After all, most

Rekindling The Flame

Rekindling The Flame …when life gets in the wayDate nights are great.They can remind you of why you fell in love way back in the beginning, but not if you just sit there staring at each other, or worse still, anxiously waiting for terror to strike in the form of a text from your babysitter.The thing

Why Can't I Come During Sex?

Why Can’t I Come During Sex?*This article is referring exclusively to ciswomen & men”Why can’t I orgasm during sex?” She asks me…perplexed and bewildered.If I had a dollar for every time I was asked that question, I’d not only be laughing all the way to the bank, I’d also be making sure everybody knew what

How to Initiate Sex

How To Initiate Sex Initiating sex can be uncomfortable for many of us. You may be the type who initiates by grabbing a part of your partner’s body when they least expect it – usually resulting in a slap or a shove and a NO! Perhaps you’re the begrudging “You know it’s been (insert number

How to Touch Like You Mean It!

How to Touch Like You Mean It! One of the most basic forms of human connection is touch. For so many of us it’s hard to imagine life without it. From erotic passion to profound love, there is no deeper expression of affection, emotion and eroticism. Sadly, so many of us are touch-starved, not only

Less Sex, Bad Sex & Sex Tech

Less Sex, Bad Sex & Sex Tech Recent stats show that young people are having less sex than any generation before them. Despite the so called ‘sex recession’ there is no evidence to suggest that other adult generations are also hit by this decline in carnal activities. In fact to the contrary, those over 55

Is everything we believe about monogamy wrong?

Is everything we believe about monogamy wrong? Last night I attended Open Love NY’s panel / discussion event with Wednesday Martin (author of Untrue and Primates of Park Avenue) and Christopher Ryan (Sex At Dawn) discussing their respective books and the data that suggests humans are hardwired for non-monogamy. TL;DR – Looking at the history

What does a sex therapist even do?

What does a sex therapist even do? I get some very funny reactions when I am at dinner parties and people find out what my job is. So many  wonder what I actually do in my sessions, followed up quickly by; “What kind of people do you see?”“What kinds of things do they want to

Vulnerability, The Last Taboo?

Vulnerability, The Last Taboo?   In fragile times, it’s often our most intimate and close relationships that suffer. Intimacy is the glue, the enhancer that gives us the drive to connect, and in many situations, also the factor that can be a passion killer for some and the straw that breaks the camel’s back. I

Getting Triggered in Relationships

Getting Triggered in Relationships   The word ‘triggered’ has been around a while now. Originally, it was used to describe responses arising from complex trauma that would activate complicated behavior, anxiety or panic disproportionate to the current situation.  But these days, it’s used more often to describe emotional responses to every-day complications in life. The

Sexual Fantasies… What Do They Mean?

Sexual Fantasies… What Do They Mean? Erotic fantasies are as common as daydreaming. Imagining ourselves in a hot tryst with a (several) flight attendant(s), being desired by strangers at a sex party, doing unspeakable things with a celebrity crush, being punished by a cruel owner or getting paid for sexual acts we’d never do in

Help! Our sex drives don’t match!

Help! Our sex drives don’t match! Ask any couple if their sex drives are in sync 100% of the time and you’ll find the answer is “Hell No!”  This is normal!  But when one partner is usually the ‘initiator’ and/or the other feels pressured and harassed by the other’s advances, this can lead to tension,

How to Make Sex Last Longer

How to Make Sex Last Longer One of the most common questions I am asked is how to make sex last longer. For many of you, especially cis men, sex becomes challenging when you have to slow down and allow the encounter to lead you. After all, you long to be in control. You want

What watching children can teach us about pleasure

What watching children can teach us about pleasure Observe children playing outdoors. Whether together or alone, they are totally engaged and at one with the moment they are experiencing.  They let their emotions flow through them without filter. Passion, laughter and frustration move like water through a crack and change within the blink of an

The (short) History of the Penis

The penis has been enormously influential in shaping our beliefs and the cultural history of the world. Revered and feared in societies across the world, its name ‘penis’ comes from the Latin, meaning ‘tail’ and is the ultimate symbol of masculinity worldwide. Temples in India were once erected (no pun intended) in their honor, modern skyscrapers resemble their glory,

On Wanting...and Being Wanted

In disconnected relationships, partners treat each other as a burden, an obligation, a chore or errand. They cease to see each other as the individuals that caught their attention and once-upon-a-time, dazzled them with excitement and possibility. Over time, that excitement turns to disconnect; boredom, frustration, loneliness and even resentment. They do not give each

Where did my sex drive go?

Hi Cyndi, I am 23 years old and I’m facing a difficult moment sexually because I have lost my libido. I have no interest in sex and the worst is that I don’t enjoy it anymore. What are some ways I can get my libido back? (Ps: I’ve been on the pill for a couple

Hook ups, dating & pleasure in the age of Ansari

Hook ups, dating & pleasure in the age of Ansari You have to have been living under a rock to have missed the conversations around rape culture, #metoo and the most recent addition; the story of Grace and Aziz Ansari. While stories of sexual abuse, violence and harassment need to be discussed and their perpetrators

Getting real about consent

GETTING REAL ABOUT CONSENT Consent is a buzz word these days. In sexuality education and sex positive circles it’s thrown around with gay abandon, while its definition and its processes are in continuous formation. We are still debating and describing in detail what it means and how it’s established. Many of us have recognised it’s

Sex, Death and Erotic Values

SEX, DEATH, AND EROTIC VALUES “When we first got together I really enjoyed sex with my partner, but over time it started to change. I didn’t hate it, not at all, I just wanted it less often than him. There were other ways of connecting that I got more from  and we just cruised along

Understanding Your Erotic Values

UNDERSTANDING YOUR EROTIC VALUES Many relationships counselors will talk about ‘relationship values’. Relationship values are what motivates us to find fulfillment in a relationship. For example, security is often a strong value people hold about intimate relationships. Without this, the relationship feels unfulfilling because it’s a value that matters to us. Others say connection, companionship

VD in Wartime Australia

VD in Wartime Australia Last night I was lucky enough to be a guest at Dr Ian Denham’s enlightening account of the sexual plight of the ANZACS during WW1. He regaled us with the fascinating story of the spread of what was then called ‘VD’ (venereal disease) among Australian soldiers during WW1. Within 6 weeks

When Love Hurts...

When Love Hurts… My post just before the holidays late last year was a reflection on the struggles of having unresolved feelings during ‘happy’ times. When we don’t join in with the ‘happy-happy-joy-joy’ we can feel we are the odd one out. Significant cultural celebrations like the afore mentioned holidays and the upcoming Valentine’s day

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