Sex, Intimacy & Relationships Advice

Why Can’t I Come During Sex?*This article is referring exclusively to ciswomen & men“Why can’t I orgasm during sex?” She asks me…perplexed and bewildered.If I had a dollar for every time I was asked that question, I’d not only be laughing all the way to the bank, I’d also be making sure everybody knew what

Navigating Casual SexIt ain’t what you do, it’s the way that you do it.Not everyone is able to be (or wants to be) in a long-term relationship; monogamous or otherwise. More people are relying on casual sex, friends with benefits (FWB) type arrangements or irregular connections for sexual pleasure. People in a variety of age

Am I ready for an open relationship?One of the biggest changes I have seen in the straight, bi and queer communities in the past 20 years is the interest in and increased visibility of open relationships. Open relationships are romantic and/or sexual relationships that involve seeing one or more people either together as a couple

Sexual FantasiesWhat Do They Mean?Erotic fantasies are as common as daydreaming. Imagining ourselves in a hot tryst with a (several) flight attendant(s), being desired by strangers at a sex party, doing unspeakable things with a celebrity crush, being punished by a cruel owner or getting paid for sexual acts we’d never do in real life

Our sex drives don’t match! Ask any couple if their sex drives are in sync 100% of the time and you’ll find the answer is “Hell No!”  This is normal!  But when one partner is usually the ‘initiator’ and/or the other feels pressured and harassed by their advances, this can lead to tension, resentment and

The Desire MythIf you could take a pill to make food you don’t like, enjoyable, would you take it?If you could take a pill to make yourself watch movies you didn’t like, would you do it?If you could take a pill to make grocery shopping more exciting, would you take it?If you don’t particularly like

How to Have A Healthy RelationshipWith Valentine’s Day just around the corner, we are about to get bombarded with messages about creating the perfect Valentine’s Day date for your beloved. But the truth is, love isn’t nourished only one day a year. Love is an action. It’s a lifestyle. It’s a way of being in

Learn how working with body can reduce tension and help you have better sex. Many of us feel uncomfortable about sex. After all we liv in a culture that doesn’t respect it and doesn’t teach us much, but instead tells us it’s natural – we get tricked into thinking there’s nothing to learn. But If

How To Have Great Sex What makes sex great? People have been asking this question for aeons, but wonder no more. According to research, there are 8 crucial elements to optimal sex….and what’s not mentioned may surprise you.This is why there will never ever be a pill for great sex. You have it within you already.

My Partner Cheated On Me. Now What?There’s no two ways about it. Being cheated on really hurts. While profoundly destabilizing, cheating is common both in marriages (estimated at 25%) and dating relationships (higher still). Even in non-monogamous relationships, people still may be inclined to cheat, bend the truth or even break the rules. The days

I Cheated. Now What? What To Do When You’ve Had An Affair. No one likes to think of themselves as a cheater, yet conservative estimates suggest cheating happens in approximately 25% of marriages, with numbers being potentially greater in dating relationships. With those figures, it’s likely that you, your partner, or someone you know has

Sex In The Time of PandemicYou’re not alone if sex is the last thing on your mind at the moment; and hasn’t been for a while.While we have now had time to adjust to the upheaval Covid has brought us, most of us have been woefully ill equipped to navigate the effects of Covid on

Enhancing Connections (during a pandemic)Heartfelt advice for everyone during this most remarkable of times. Whether single or partnered, being in quarantine is making life tough and straining our relationships. This is Part 1 of my advice on managing stress in relationships during coronavirus quarantine.

How To Create IntimacyYesterday I was at a business meeting in NYC with some colleagues and one proudly announced he was using an app to be more productive, getting up 2 hours earlier so he could work – more!More work? I thought. Is he serious? I was rather stunned, I have to say.Getting up two

Deepening Connection With Your PartnerNot a week goes by in my practice without meeting a couple who have lost connection. What was once a flurry of feelings and giggles has become little more than ‘meh’.I get it.Life gets in the way – everything else becomes a priority, then all of a sudden you find yourself

How To Set A Boundary?Many of us do not know that we even have a boundary until it’s been crossed. For a lot of us, working out where our boundaries are, happens as we interact with life. It’s not necessarily something that happens purely as a mental exercise. After all, most of us do not

Rekindling The Flame …when life gets in the wayDate nights are great.They can remind you of why you fell in love way back in the beginning, but not if you just sit there staring at each other, or worse still, anxiously waiting for terror to strike in the form of a text from your babysitter.The thing

How To Initiate SexInitiating sex can be uncomfortable for many of us.You may be the type who initiates by grabbing a part of your partner’s body when they least expect it – usually resulting in a slap or a shove and a NO!Perhaps you’re the begrudging “You know it’s been (insert number here) weeks since

How to Touch Your Lover(Like You Mean It!)One of the most basic forms of human connection is touch. For so many of us it’s hard to imagine life without it. From erotic passion to profound love, there is no deeper expression of affection, emotion and eroticism. Sadly, so many of us are touch-starved, not only

Less Sex, Bad Sex & Sex Tech Recent stats show that young people are having less sex than any generation before them. Despite the so called ‘sex recession’ there is no evidence to suggest that other adult generations are also hit by this decline in carnal activities. In fact to the contrary, those over 55

Is everything we believe about monogamy wrong? Last night I attended Open Love NY’s panel / discussion event with Wednesday Martin (author of Untrue and Primates of Park Avenue) and Christopher Ryan (Sex At Dawn) discussing their respective books and the data that suggests humans are hardwired for non-monogamy. TL;DR – Looking at the history

What does a sex therapist do?I get some very funny reactions when I am at dinner parties and people find out what my job is. So many  wonder what I actually do in my sessions, followed up quickly by;“What kind of people do you see?”“What kinds of things do they want to talk about?”The truth

Vulnerability, The Last Taboo? In fragile times, it’s often our most intimate and close relationships that suffer. Intimacy is the glue, the enhancer that gives us the drive to connect, and in many situations, also the factor that can be a passion killer for some and the straw that breaks the camel’s back. I have been

Getting Triggered in Relationships   The word ‘triggered’ has been around a while now. Originally the word was used in clinical contexts to describe responses arising from complex trauma and PTSD (post traumatic stress disorder) such as complicated behavior, chronic anxiety or panic.  While its clinical meaning hasn’t changed, it’s used more colloquially to describe