Sex, Intimacy & Relationships Advice

Up to date insight, tips and ideas for modern lives and relationships. From vulnerability to orgasm, pleasure and intimacy. From exploring complex emotions to better, more meaningful communication. From connection, real-world sex and empathy, to online dating and shame resilience, it’s all here.

Sex In The Time Of Corona

Sex In The Time of CoronaYou’re not alone if sex is the last thing on your mind at the moment. No one saw this coming and none of us could have prepared for the monumental upheaval to our lives, routines and relationships. Personally, here in NYC, I am entering week 10 with no signs of

Enhancing Connections (during a pandemic)

Enhancing Connections (during a pandemic)Heartfelt advice for everyone during this most remarkable of times. Whether single or partnered, being in quarantine is making life tough and straining our relationships. This is Part 1 of my advice on managing stress in relationships during coronavirus quarantine.

When Resistance Corrodes Connection

How To Create IntimacyYesterday I was at a business meeting in NYC with some colleagues and one proudly announced he was using an app to be more productive, getting up 2 hours earlier so he could work – more!More work? I thought. Is he serious? I was rather stunned, I have to say.Getting up two

How To Have Healthy Relationships

How to Have A Healthy RelationshipLove can thrive in any manner of relating, not just intimate, sexual partnerships. In fact, much I what I have learnt about relationships and loving multitudes of people, is through some of my friendships. Granted, the friendships I have tend to be very rich, deep, and powerful. Qualities many reserve

Deepening Connection With Your Partner

Deepening Connection With Your PartnerNot a week goes by in my practice without meeting a couple who have lost connection. What was once a flurry of feelings and giggles has become little more than ‘meh’.I get it.Life gets in the way – everything else becomes a priority, then all of a sudden you find yourself

How Do I Know When To Set A Boundary?

How To Set A Boundary?Many of us do not know that we even have a boundary until it’s been crossed. For a lot of us, working out where our boundaries are, happens as we interact with life. It’s not necessarily something that happens purely as a mental exercise. After all, most of us do not

Rekindling The Flame

Rekindling The Flame …when life gets in the wayDate nights are great.They can remind you of why you fell in love way back in the beginning, but not if you just sit there staring at each other, or worse still, anxiously waiting for terror to strike in the form of a text from your babysitter.The thing

Why Can't I Come During Sex?

Why Can’t I Come During Sex?*This article is referring exclusively to ciswomen & men”Why can’t I orgasm during sex?” She asks me…perplexed and bewildered.If I had a dollar for every time I was asked that question, I’d not only be laughing all the way to the bank, I’d also be making sure everybody knew what

How to Initiate Sex

How To Initiate SexInitiating sex can be uncomfortable for many of us.You may be the type who initiates by grabbing a part of your partner’s body when they least expect it – usually resulting in a slap or a shove and a NO!Perhaps you’re the begrudging “You know it’s been (insert number here) weeks since

How to Touch Like You Mean It!

How to Touch Your Lover(Like You Mean It!)One of the most basic forms of human connection is touch. For so many of us it’s hard to imagine life without it. From erotic passion to profound love, there is no deeper expression of affection, emotion and eroticism. Sadly, so many of us are touch-starved, not only

Less Sex, Bad Sex & Sex Tech

Less Sex, Bad Sex & Sex Tech Recent stats show that young people are having less sex than any generation before them. Despite the so called ‘sex recession’ there is no evidence to suggest that other adult generations are also hit by this decline in carnal activities. In fact to the contrary, those over 55

Is everything we believe about monogamy wrong?

Is everything we believe about monogamy wrong? Last night I attended Open Love NY’s panel / discussion event with Wednesday Martin (author of Untrue and Primates of Park Avenue) and Christopher Ryan (Sex At Dawn) discussing their respective books and the data that suggests humans are hardwired for non-monogamy. TL;DR – Looking at the history

What does a sex therapist do?

What does a sex therapist do?I get some very funny reactions when I am at dinner parties and people find out what my job is. So many  wonder what I actually do in my sessions, followed up quickly by;”What kind of people do you see?””What kinds of things do they want to talk about?”The truth

Vulnerability, The Last Taboo?

Vulnerability, The Last Taboo? In fragile times, it’s often our most intimate and close relationships that suffer. Intimacy is the glue, the enhancer that gives us the drive to connect, and in many situations, also the factor that can be a passion killer for some and the straw that breaks the camel’s back. I have been

Getting Triggered in Relationships

Getting Triggered in Relationships   The word ‘triggered’ has been around a while now. Originally the word was used in clinical contexts to describe responses arising from complex trauma and PTSD (post traumatic stress disorder) such as complicated behavior, chronic anxiety or panic.  While its clinical meaning hasn’t changed, it’s used more colloquially to describe

Sexual Fantasies… What Do They Mean?

Sexual FantasiesWhat Do They Mean?Erotic fantasies are as common as daydreaming. Imagining ourselves in a hot tryst with a (several) flight attendant(s), being desired by strangers at a sex party, doing unspeakable things with a celebrity crush, being punished by a cruel owner or getting paid for sexual acts we’d never do in real life

Help! Our sex drives don’t match!

Our sex drives don’t match! Ask any couple if their sex drives are in sync 100% of the time and you’ll find the answer is “Hell No!”  This is normal!  But when one partner is usually the ‘initiator’ and/or the other feels pressured and harassed by the other’s advances, this can lead to tension, resentment

How to Make Sex Last Longer

How to Make Sex Last Longer One of the most common questions I am asked is how to make sex last longer. For many of you, especially cis men, sex becomes challenging when you have to slow down and allow the encounter to lead you. After all, you long to be in control. You want

How We Unlearn Pleasure

How We Unlearn PleasureObserve children playing outdoors. Whether together or alone, they are totally engaged and at-one with the moment they are experiencing. They let their emotions flow through them without filter. They are never thinking “This pleasure isn’t good enough” then spend the rest of playtime moping about it. They simply indulge whole-heartedly in the experience; the

The (short) History of the Penis

The (short) history of the PenisThe penis has been enormously influential in shaping our beliefs and the cultural history of the world. Revered and feared in societies across the world, its name ‘penis’ comes from the Latin, meaning ‘tail’ and is the ultimate symbol of masculinity worldwide. Temples in India were once erected (no pun intended) in their honor,

On Wanting...and Being Wanted

On Wanting & Being WantedIn disconnected relationships, partners treat each other as a burden, an obligation, a chore or errand. They cease to see each other as the individuals that caught their attention and once-upon-a-time, dazzled them with excitement and possibility.Over time, that excitement turns to disconnect; boredom, frustration, loneliness and even resentment. They do

Where did my sex drive go?

I’ve Lost My Libido Hi Cyndi, I am 23 years old and I’m facing a difficult moment sexually because I have lost my libido. I have no interest in sex and the worst is that I don’t enjoy it anymore. What are some ways I can get my libido back? (Ps: I’ve been on the pill

Hook ups, dating & pleasure in the age of Ansari

Hook ups, dating & pleasure in the age of AnsariYou have to have been living under a rock to have missed the conversations around rape culture, #metoo and the most recent addition; the story of Grace and Aziz Ansari. While stories of sexual abuse, violence and harassment need to be discussed and their perpetrators brought

Getting real about consent

GETTING REAL ABOUT CONSENTConsent is a buzz word these days. In sexuality education and sex positive circles it’s thrown around with gay abandon, while its definition and its processes are in continuous formation. We are still debating and describing in detail what it means and how it’s established. Many of us have recognised it’s far