...when love is just not enough
- Are you in a sexless relationship?
- Are mis-matched sex drives or desires are causing problems?
- Do you love your partner but experience deep relational problems like infidelity or bad communication?
- Do you struggle to create and sustain meaningful relationships and friendships?
- Is online dating getting you down? Or you don't know where to start with dating?
- Is it hard to find a suitable partner or worry you’ll be single forever?
- Are you longing for sexual confidence and skills but don’t know where to start?
- Is intimacy awkward, embarrassing and causing ongoing problems?
- Do you struggle to maintain sexual interest in intimate relationships?
- Are you in a kinky/alt relationship and need non-judgmental, affirming support?
- Do you want to feel more 'in your body' and connected to your erotic self?
- Are you feeling stuck in life and it’s affecting your sex life and your relationships?
- Are you worried that your kinks and interests are problematic or out of control?
- Are you a sex worker /dating a sex worker and need affirming relationship support?
I've been called 'the expert's expert'. I help people create thriving personal lives. Connected intimate relationships. And nourishing sex lives. Nothing is off limits or taboo. I provide a truly unique service to clients across the globe.
You'll learn to make sense of your feelings, understand your thoughts, connect to your body and own your pleasures and desires to create the intimacy, connections, freedom and sex life you really, truly want.
Are you ready?
Your counseling sessions are grounded in the fundamental belief that pleasure, intimacy and relationships are an essential part of a healthy life. Each session is streamlined and tailored for your unique situation. As a highly-trained and sought-after sexologist and counselor, all of my specialist knowledge, wisdom and experience is at your disposal, including:
- therapeutic discussions and techniques
- proven strategies for increasing self worth and exploring pleasure
- healing trauma and the erotic
- reclaiming shame
- tons of scientifically-backed sex information and education
- plus skills development to support you in relationships, intimacy, communication, emotional and mental processing.
The essence of our work together is the rich, embodied integration of body, mind, and heart. We’ll look at what’s getting in your way, we’ll bust a few myths, and help you take action and create a program for your lifestyle, personality, time frame, ability, resources, and health. I offer in-person and online options to suit our schedules.
You'll love the gentle, compassionate yet powerful approaches I use. Enough therapeutic connection to feel safe & held, enough scientifically-backed education and guidance to stop you floundering and just the right amount of coaching, encouragement and permission to get you up & out of your funk. Our counseling & coaching is generally short-medium term. Working with me is more streamlined than typical therapy, so with your commitment and my expertise, you'll get the information, pleasure and results you seek more quickly.
Whatever your relationships status, age, orientation or desire – working with me is a rich and fulfilling experience designed to align what you want, where you want to be, and how to get you there in the most effective amount of time.
Reasons people work with me:
Individual Sexuality Coaching
- Low desire / Low libido (Hypoactive Sexual Desire Disorder)
- Mismatched desire
- Painful sex (vaginismus / dyspareunia / anal anodyspareunia)
- Erection problems / erectile dysfunction
- Orgasm problems / anorgasmia (too much/too many/ not enough/not at all)
- Arousal difficulties (not getting wet / hard)
- Reconnecting to pleasure after abuse
- Healing trauma and shame
- Ejaculation problems (premature ejaculation)
- Trouble in relationships and intimacy
- Communication problems
- Intimacy problems
- Navigating online dating
- Discovering sex & dating after divorce
- Exploring sexuality, pleasure & aging
- Lack of knowledge/confidence/skill
- Explore deeper and more connected sexuality
- Learn about Tantra/spiritual sexuality
- Struggling with sexual confidence/body image
- Concerns about porn consumption/seeing sex workers/ attending sex parties/hook-up sex
- Unpacking infidelity
- Alternative approaches to sex practices
- Kinky sex
- Dating while a sex worker
- Dating a sex worker
- Exploring queer identity / gender
- Coming out/changing identity
- Adult sex ed for the 21st century
- Exploring troublesome turn-ons & turn-offs, fantasies & mental/emotional health
- Understanding/support for problematic/erratic sexual behavior (sometimes called Sex Addiction)
Personal Development Coaching
- Life management and generally getting-your-shit-together
- Healing family of origin wounds & inner child work
- Managing grief, loss & sadness
- Overcoming guilt & stuckness
- Managing change, discomfort & uncertainty
- Developing self-trust, intuition and self-care strategies
- Unpacking shame, privilege, gender & power (all genders)
- Better communication for fulfilling friendships & relationships of all kinds
- Cultivating and engaging emotional intelligence
- Embodied living for more joy
- Overcoming procrastination and distraction
Couples Counseling / Relationships Coaching
- Reinvigorating a long-term relationship
- Working through relationship difficulties
- Reducing conflict
- Learning to connect
- Dealing with boredom in relationships
- Managing your sex life
- Making time for fulfilling sex
- Improving communication
- Dealing with differences in libido
- Dealing with changes in aging
- Managing / recovering from infidelity / cheating
- Processing difficult emotions including betrayal, hurt, jealousy & anger
- Dealing with changes in a relationship
- Exploring function/dysfunction and sexual satisfaction
- Exploring open relationships, polyamory and non-monogamy
- Exploring kink and alternative sex practices - including lifestyle parties
- Starting and ending relationships
- Learning about your lovers’ body
There are 4 ways to work with me:
DEEP DIVE SESSIONS
I offer in-person or online sex therapy, marriage counseling & personal development coaching to individuals, couples or small groups
- in Manhattan
- & via encrypted Zoom video online.
Check out this handy tool to see the time difference between your location and New York City.
You (and your partner/s) can join me for inspiring, change-oriented and useful sex. relationship & life management consultations weekly or fortnightly.
Deep Dives are offered as needed or as a block of 5 sessions to help you dive deep and get you on track. After that you may like to scale back to sessions one-by-one, or take another block.
See FAQs for further details beyond these descriptions.
Contact me to set up a FREE introduction.
My extensive media work means I am a trusted go-to resource for many high-profile clients. If seeking extra privacy, your needs can be accommodated. Please advise in your initial inquiry if you have specific privacy requirements.
First and foremost we identify your hopes and your problem/s then we work toward solutions. It’s amazing how many people try to change their lives or relationships without first establishing the incentives or problems. To that end, I offer specialized perspectives on topics most clinicians are not trained in or shy away from. Unlike a lot of more traditional approaches, I help you reduce the mind / body split and get connected to your body, your senses, your emotions and, where required, the birthright that is your erotic self. You were born this way and our work is designed to take you back home. I use various talk techniques as well as somatic (body-based) and emotional experiencing techniques as the tools for change. There is no explicit touch involved.
Sessions are focused on the here and now to help you develop skills and confidence where you need them most. Sometimes we look at history where knowledge from the past is holding you back in the present, but mostly we look at where you are today and where you want to be. Our work is deep and thorough. I draw on a range of ideas, tools, up-to-date clinical research and useful, transformative physical, mental and emotional practices to help you create a meaningful understanding of how you are and how to create change. If typical talk therapy leaves you feeling like you're going in circles with no action, you'll love working with me. We chat, we laugh, we talk about big stuff and practice incorporating new ideas, practices and ways of dealing with old problems. You'll get homework to try and with your commitment, changes can happen pretty quickly.
The benefit of a small, bespoke practice is the premium service offered and laser-fast support between sessions. Quick fixes, 'hacks' and endless talking are simply not going to cut it in these contexts, so you can be assured of the quality and laser-focused attention you are getting.
During COVID-19 all sessions happen online via Zoom
In person sessions are by appointment only Monday - Thursday in upper Manhattan.
Lower Manhattan is also used occasionally.
Other sessions available online via video.
Why Do Deep Dive?
Deep Dive is for people
- who may be new to sexuality and relationship work
- or have tried regular therapy but seek more
- who are serious about change
- who are curious, committed and ready to explore
- who want more from life, sex and relationships
- who have the time, dedication and resources to dive deep
How Many Sessions Do I Need?
People start seeing a change after the first session – generally 10-20 sessions is common. Our work together is short-to-medium term. We will co-create a therapeutic connection and really invest in getting you the change you seek. After you feel you've gotten to where you want to be in your own time, you’re welcome to stay as long as you like after that. In between sessions, you will have access to me via email and text, so you will feel fully supported all the way. Many people enjoy the ongoing relationship. It's important we are a good fit and I am as particular about you, as you are about me. Our initial clarity call allows us to explore this and your intentions more fully.
- 30-minute initial video clarity call to help us get clear on our work together (free).
- Packages of 5 x 90 min sessions for individuals and couples - 3 month expiration
- Couples / Individuals intensives case-by-case
More About Couple's Counseling
There's nothing worse than feeling lonely, except feeling lonely in a relationship. When you're no longer connecting, everything feels like it's falling apart.
We live in a culture that demands so much of our time and attention. It's easy to get distracted from who we love and tune out of our relationships; instead focusing on work, extended family and other commitments. When you’re in the thick of it, it’s hard to see a way out or sometimes inadequate communication is preventing you from having the kind of intimacy and connection you once had or deeply desire.
Relationship sessions are specifically offered to couples or lovers whose relationships have lost traction, focus or direction. Relationship sessions help you remember why you’re together and enable strategies to help you create the kind of satisfying relationships you want. They may or may not include individual sessions and sexuality work.
Relationship sessions help you:
- *get clearer about what you want.
- *get clear about what you’re willing to do (or not do) to get it.
- *recognize your boundaries and how to say them out loud.
- *learn to listen better and be the kind of partner you would like to be.
- *understand your needs and the needs of your partner(s).
- *reframe what ‘relationship’ means to you and work towards realigning yourselves to that.
- *take responsibility for what’s working in the relationship.
- *take responsibility for what’s not working and do it differently.
- *understand where you have power and where you don’t.
- *practice accepting limitations and living with compassion.
- *understand the power (and responsibility) of freedom and love.
In many cases miscommunications can arise from issues, that if caught early enough, may be easy to solve. That said, communication is a skill that requires participation from all involved. Relationship sessions in some cases are a necessary precursor to sexuality work as communication is the foundation upon which everything else sits. Without a solid foundation, anything you build will eventually collapse.
Relationship sessions are useful for people who find themselves:
- *in the same arguments over and over again.
- *misunderstanding or being misunderstood.
- *deeply frustrated with no way out.
- *still in love with their partner, but knowing it can’t go on like this.
- *genuinely wanting to connect with their partner but just don’t know how.
- *hoping to better understand the relationship they currently have.
- *eager to rekindle the passion they once had.
- *without clarity but willing to discover what they want from the relationship & each other.
- *wanting to understand their relationship patterns and the effect they have.
- *interested in creating a better future together.
- *keen to invest in strategies that bring more connection, intimacy and pleasure.
- *committed to working through blockages.
- *interested in solutions that are liberating (& sometimes sit outside the square).
Relationship sessions can be challenging, heart-opening and inspirational. They require dedication and commitment to get the changes you seek.
Love and honesty are not for the faint-hearted, but if you are willing to commit to the process, I am willing to support you every step of the way. I will not tolerate or accept bickering, arguing or abuse in my sessions – ever.
You probably already do a good job of that all by yourselves.
Complicated feelings are most definitely welcome, but we will focus on developing the skills you need to change and break free from bad habits. Working with me is a practice and a ritual I invite you to undertake as respectfully and openly as I do.
Relationship sessions can not ever guarantee outcomes, but it most definitely can help you work out what drives your relationship patterns and what to do about them being out of control or ruining your connection. With clarity, insight, dedication and compassion you can turn your relationships around to create the kind of connection you want.
If you are serious about intimacy and developing your relationship, I am here to help.
What Relationship Counseling Is Not
Sometimes couples think seeking advice will ‘save‘ their relationship. This is true sometimes, other times not. Sometimes, long-term resentments are too embedded and the sad truth is, it may be too late to save the relationship. This will be determined by you. I can’t and don’t do anything to save you or your relationship, but I will support you all the way by listening, reflecting and providing resources and useful strategies to experience yourselves and each other in more helpful ways.
No relationship is perfect so we do not strive for perfection, but rather, understanding. Solutions are co-created with you, your partner and me. Relationship sessions help you see your problems more clearly and objectively. You get to understand where things are going wrong and consider whether you’re willing to make the changes required to ‘save‘ the relationship or perhaps change it to accommodate everyone’s needs better. Some people decide they will do anything to save their relationships and take on the challenges change presents, while others decide the relationship is not worth saving, they don’t want to change themselves or anything about the relationship or opt for a new life instead. These may be successful outcomes for the people involved too. How a relationship ends can be as important as how it starts or how it functions.
I am honest and brave and I teach you to be honest and brave too. I teach you how to trust yourselves and each other. This is where intimacy lives. My role is not to be a referee and decide who is ‘right’ and who is ‘wrong’. I will point out imbalances or patterns and provide strategies to deal with them, but I can’t make you do anything you do not want to do. I won’t help you choose the best color for the bathroom, but I will help you see why you keep arguing about it and whether you want to learn to manage it differently. Ultimately I help you decide what is the best course of action for your relationship and help you make a plan to do this through communication skills, emotional management, compromise and self-reflection.
These sessions can run along with sexuality work, or just on relationships.
More About Sexology Coaching
People want to experience more from their sex lives. More passion. More bravery. More clarity. More confidence.
Being able to get useful, practical, reliable information about sex and to talk about sex in a safe and confidential environment, free of shame and judgement is an important part of learning about just how liberating great sex can be.
Most of us have no idea how sex works. After all, why would we? We don’t get taught it at school, and when we do it’s mostly useless information about making babies and terrifying diseases, and very little to do with why most of us have sex – which may not be a surprise to you to learn it’s usually never to have a baby!
Learning to understand sex from our own motivations is part of developing a more confident relationship with it. After all, when we know why we are doing something, it’s easier to stay interested, motivated and develop the skills we need to get to where we want to go.This could involve discussing everything including:
- *physical experiences
- *deeper awareness of how your body works
- *mental and emotional processing
- *changing your mindset
- *understanding (your or your partners’) fantasies and turn-ons
- *examining relationship dynamics
- *improving communication skills
- *learning how to touch and be touched
- *how you can alter your approach to working with problems and finding solutions
- *expanding your sexual knowledge
- *education & myth-busting
- *practical skills for white–hot sex
How I Work
Sex, life and relationships are the center of our lives. This means I work with you in the context of your life – not just your sex life.
I have had the opportunity to discuss sexuality at an intimate level with literally thousands of people across around the world. This has lead me to the conclusion that sexuality is not separate from who we are, it’s part of who we are. Seeing the totality of you, as whole person, is vital when exploring sexuality.
I can support and facilitate your journey through complex sexual and emotional terrain helping you feel more embodied, connected and present to your erotic potential.
My values around sex therapy and sexuality mean that I see clients from a variety of backgrounds and orientations. My clients are people who want more from life, sex and relationships. I believe there is no ‘right and wrong‘ when it comes to sexuality, practice or influence. I listen to you and together we’ll discuss how you feel about sexuality and identify where you might need help and expert guidance. While I know a lot about sex and sexuality, I am not an expert in YOU, so together we can make our time as useful and relevant to your specific situation as possible. I abide by the notion of safe, sane and consensual and I want you to have the best sex you possibly can! After all, I hear people discuss their sex lives with me day in and day out (in all its glorious forms), it’s very likely I’ve heard it all before and many practices and problems are more common than you might think!
My role is to help you have the best sex you can have. We’ll talk about what you’re experiencing, feeling and thinking about sex. Together we’ll identify what’s working for you and what’s not. We’ll look at how you want your sex and relationships to be and develop ways to make those changes. We’ll help you work out the best approach to working through these issues with a combination of discussion and some solutions or practical activities / homework or exciting Tantra or embodiment practices to get you more connected to your body and your sexuality.
What Sexology Is Not
People sometimes still feel confused about what this is and is and is not, even after reading this description. This makes sense in so many ways because we live in a world that is often so uncomfortable discussing and exploring sexuality and the feelings that go with it. Sexology consultations are not a passive experience. This means that you as a client are actively engaged in the process every step of the way. What you bring to the sessions determines where we go, what we do and how things unfold; at your speed, at your pace. You are invited to really participate in thinking, doing, feeling and compassionate self inquiry in order to re-frame your understanding of sex and sexuality. You will have the chance to make the changes required to solve the problems you struggle with in your life.
Our sessions are a deep, engaging process that requires your commitment and attention, to explore outside the square in order to experience core change at the levels you seek. The more you engage in the process the more you will get out of it.
These sessions exist in conjunction with relationship work if required.
No need to be shy or embarrassed. I look forward to hearing from you.
More About Individual Coaching
You're stuck in life, in an uncomfortable loop and unsure why your relationships and friendships just don't work out. You struggle to connect with others and with yourself. Or perhaps you know deep down what's going on, but need help making sense of it and relieving some of the shame, pain, burden and embarrassment.
Learning to reveal yourself to yourself is a liberating and freeing experience
tend to the tender places and hurts.
make sense of complicated thoughts and feelings
develop self trust, self compassion and embodied wisdom
draw on creativity, passion and pleasure as signposts to health, vitality and wellbeing
rely on your innate skills, talents and strengths to stop struggling and start loving.
We'll explore who you are today and where you want to be including the emerging awareness of your own sexual self, your passions , your connections, life changes, aging and beyond.
V.I.P Sensuous Couple's Weekend Retreat
*This in-person offer is temporarily unavailable due to COVID-19*
I know where you're at. There's nothing wrong as such, but you're seeking more. Your connection is OK or even good, but you want to go further.
Let me take you from where you are to where you want to be…
You want to connect with your lover, deeply, soulfully and from a place of tenderness and passion. You want to experience exquisite pleasure, free of judgement, where you can be authentic and expand.
Feel your tension simply fall away and be enveloped in an ecstatic experience you will never forget.
Many couples seek guidance to expand, deepen and enhance their sexual and intimate relationships.
The V.I.P Couple's Weekend has been developed to offer an elite and exquisitely tailored personalized service for lovers ready to take the next step in their intimate connection. The program has been developed specifically for lovers who are ready to embark on a journey into erotic freedom.
This program is perfect if you are
- looking for ways to reinvigorate your sex life
- keen to learn more about creating WHITE-HOT pleasure
- craving the freedom to really experience your connected, nourishing, erotic potential in a safe and totally private environment…
then this ultimate V.I.P sensuous retreat is perfect for your needs.
You will be introduced to the secrets of what makes sex connected, passionate and invigorating. You’ll learn new ways of exploring your and your lover’s body to enhance connection and eroticism. Contained within a safe environment, you will learn how to bring out the best in your intimate expression expression by practicing trust, deep connection and honoring boundaries.
If you have found yourself wanting more... you have found what you are looking for.
What Will We Do?
You and your partner are invited to dive into this unique 5 star offering of deep exploration of erotic connection. Each star builds on the previous and includes a combination of theory,embodiment, sensual expression and connection plus variety of techniques to help you get out of your head, into your body and get the most out of your pleasure.
Each star is delivered step-by-step and include:
Star 1 – Waking up from the Sleep: Understanding your Body & Eroticism
Star 2 – Conscious Touch & Breath – Savouring Your Lover
Star 3 – Introduction to Full Body Orgasms
Star 4 – Exploring Mindful Eroticism
Star 5 – Energizing Sex
Each star is uniquely delivered to meet your specific needs and level of experience. Beginners will be gently introduced to new concepts and techniques while advanced players will have an opportunity to reframe their knowledge and experience, explore blockages and distractions and enjoy a rich and visceral weekend of playful exploration under my guidance, care and undivided attention.
Develop & rekindle powerful erotic connection with your partner
Experience deep heart-connection through nourishing embodiment practices
Learn the secrets of exquisite sensual touch
Learn how to communicate about pleasure
Expand your sensual and erotic wisdom
Develop techniques to enrich intimacy
Learn to give and receive erotic awakening massages
Be confident in your full potential as a lover
Experience the power of vulnerability
Remember how to play erotically again
Release sexual shame
Experience pleasure in your body despite physical problems, aging, menopause etc
Say good-bye to boredom and painful sex
Transform sexual blockages into opportunities for connection
Create memories of a lifetime
Who Is It For?
The V.I.P Couple's Weekend is for couples who are really ready to commit to expanding their connection through erotic and sensual growth. It is perfectly suited to couples who have a deep love and respect for each other and are ready to take their sensual connection to a new level of bliss and erotic potential. Whether you’re new to erotic exploration or looking for private tuition and guidance for you and your lover with an experienced sex coach, these sessions can be a great gift to yourself , your lover or for those about to celebrate their nuptials / commitment.
This is an individually tailored program to ensure your privacy and my full attention, giving you the freedom to really experience your erotic potential in a safe and totally private environment.
How Does It Work?
You are invited to spend a full weekend with me as I lead you and your beloved on a journey into profound sensual connection exploring:
- the secrets to what makes good sex great
- how to connect to yourself and your partner
- how to turn on your ‘turn ons’ and turn off your ‘turn offs’
- how to build and sustain erotic energy
- understanding the potential of friction and power
- techniques for embodied, conscious sexuality
- playful risk-taking and techniques to overcome blockages
- the effectiveness of activity, receptivity & surrender
- and so much more
This premium service is strictly by application only.
More than just ‘spicing up your sex life’, this weekend navigates not only the skills you need to go there, but also the confidence to stay there and be fully present in your erotic, sensual power!
In total you get the full weekend 10am - 6pm both days plus breaks for lunch plus three video consultations: your initial application before and 2 after.
To start your application, complete the form. Then we arrange to meet via video chat first to be sure we are a good fit for each other. We'll look at dates that will work, what's required and expected of you and your beloved and you'll have a chance to get clear on what you want to get out of it.
From there we arrange the finer details of the weekend including my travel arrangements to you (if required) or yours to NYC.
Costs for the retreat vary according to availability, travel expenses and timing. Fees will be discussed during the application interview. There are no fee reductions / exceptions available for this program.
This is my ultimate offering to lovers of all genders, orientations and levels of experience. I look forward to hearing from you.
Email Sex Coaching
How It Works
Use the purchase link here to buy your email sex coach exchange. This fee is good for one full exchange. That means one email from you and one very thorough response from me including tips, ideas, links and suggested materials to get you on your way.
Once processed, you and I will receive an automated email confirming your purchase. It's super important your email address is correct - one wrong letter means I cannot reply to you. I will then send you a form where you can ask your question. This form is simple and designed to help you really get clear on what you are asking so you can get the most value from the exchange.
Within 4 business days of completing the form, you will receive my reply; specific, tailored and full of ideas and suggestions.
It's really that easy!
Payments are all billed in US dollars from Life and Soul Inc.
Professional Mentoring & Supervision
You want to be the best practitioner you can be. But when it comes to sex, pleasure and eroticism you have questions. Sometimes you struggle with cases and how to bring up clients sexual needs, feelings and desires. Sometimes you just wish there was a trusted, credentialed source you could go to for the latest, evidence-based or contemporary theories on sex, sexual pleasure, healing and sexual trauma. Sometimes you wish you knew how to bring up sex with your clients and co-workers in your group practice. I got you.
PRIVATE CLIENT TESTIMONIALS
My partner and I were very pleased to have the opportunity to meet and work with Cyndi Darnell. While Cyndi is a professional in her field of work and knowledge, her bubbly personality, soft and nurturing approach, yet modern and straight to the point fun sessions ensured we felt safe, comfortable and relaxed during our time working together.Any skepticism, doubts, and uncertainty we were experiencing at the beginning of this 5 session course quickly disappeared with Cyndi’s help, as we learned, embraced and felt emotions and experiences we didn’t even know we were missing. She was with us every step of the way, our sessions were completely professional, no sleaze or discomfort. If anything Cyndi’s personality shone through and made us feel we had known her for years thus enabling us to focus on ourselves easily.We feel because of Cyndi, we have been able to bond and connect deeper, not just emotionally but also sexually. Through techniques taught to us together, we experience more gratifying and intimate lovemaking. Cyndi’s sessions are very therapeutic, self-discovering, emotional and stimulating.We without hesitation recommend Cyndi Darnell to everyone! Couples or singles. Cyndi will teach you and help you find that something inside yourself that you don’t even know was missing.– Sam