Out of the closet and into our lives, anal is indeed the new black. My good friend and sex educator colleague Tristan Taormino says that ‘anal is the great equaliser – because everybody has one’. But the egalitarian nature of the back door does not mean that everyone knows nor is skilled in the delicate art of anal pleasure.
For many, anal sex is of no interest whatsoever. If this is you, you may want to skip this post. There is simply no need to force yourself into doing something that is not of any interest to you. But if it is something you and/or your partner are curious about, read on.
The module on butt sex from The Atlas of Erotic Anatomy and Arousal (Butt: That’s Not All) is far and away the best seller of all the individual modules – by over 100%.
It’s hard to know exactly what this means, but my educated guess is that we could interpret it a few ways…
Firstly, that anal is one of the most popular search terms online these days, (this link takes you to Pornhub – so NSFW) so we know that folks are indeed interested in it. We also know that means folks are curious about it but an online google search for ‘anal’ (do so at your own risk) yields a vast array of images, clips etc, few of which offer much in the way of helpful or useful education on ‘pleasurable’ or beginners level anal sex. (‘Pleasurable’ of course is subjective but everyone has to start somewhere and work their way around).
Next, the trouble is that folks who are interested in exploring anal for the first time often do not know where to go to get reliable information. What is shown in porn is generally not designed to be educational (after all, porn’s job is to be entertainment and engagement, not necessarily education). As a result, learning tips and skills for effective and satisfying anal sex for everyone requires a greater depth of study than porn depictions alone. In fact, this is true of many sex practices – when first starting on your mature sex education journey it can be really difficult deciphering what’s useful and what is not. While some porn is indeed helpful and educational, much of it is not and until this changes we must complement our erotic viewing with education.
Despite the popularity of anal sex in certain sectors of the community, anal is still somewhat a taboo and is often associated with being dirty, perverted, painful and even ‘unnatural’. The truth is anal sex practices can be all of those things and none of those things. It simply depends on your skill level, who you are with, what you think about anal exploration and how you go about it. With thousands of nerve endings in the anal sphincters and surrounding areas, the capacity for intense pleasure and sensation is powerful; yet not assured without skill, knowledge and care.
It’s also important to remember that anal pleasure takes on a variety of forms and is not necessarily the insertion of a penis (or anything else) into an anal cavity. There really are so many ways anal pleasure can be enjoyed. Some enjoy anal as the ultimate act of intimacy. Slow gentle movements require a subtle and nuanced pressure and stimulation that may vary from person to person, and even with the same person at different times. For others anal sex practices are an excellent entry to exploring and playing with the dynamics of power and playfulness in a relationship. The capacity to control or surrender to a lover is an exquisite game that arouses not only physically but also psychologically and emotionally. This is true across genders and orientations. Playing with sex in this way allows for a greater variety of experiences and also sensations. Doing so with knowledge and care is a wonderful way to start.
The truth is, humans have been enjoying anal pleasures for thousands of years. People of all genders can enjoy the stimulation and delicate intimacy that anal sex offers. But it is most important to remember that anal needs to be done knowledgeably and well to be enjoyable and satisfying. There is really so much more to it than simply ‘stickin’ it in’.
To get access to the Butt That’s Not All module and all the others, take advantage of the November sale. Happening now until November 30.