Couple's Counseling & Coaching NYC

What Happens in Couple's Counseling?

First and foremost, couple's counseling helps you identify your hopes and your problem/s, then we work toward solutions. It’s amazing how many people try to change their situation without first establishing the incentives or problems. To that end, I offer specialized perspectives on topics many clinicians are not trained in or shy away from. Whether we are doing sexuality work, couple's communication and conflict work, or individual / life coaching work,  I use various talk therapy techniques as well as embodiment / somatic (body-based) and emotional experiencing techniques as the tools for change. 

Couple's counseling sessions are focused on the 'here and now' to help you develop skills and confidence where you need them most. Sometimes we look at history where knowledge from the past is holding you back in the present, but mostly we look at where you are today and where you want to be. Our work is deep and thorough. I draw on a  range of ideas, tools, up-to-date clinical research and useful, transformative physical, mental and emotional practices to help you create a meaningful understanding of how you are and how to create change.  If typical talk therapy leaves you feeling like you're going in circles with no action, you'll love working with me. We chat, we laugh, we talk about big stuff and practice incorporating new ideas, practices and ways of dealing with old problems. I'll challenge you, you'll get homework to try and with your commitment in between sessions, changes happen. 

The benefit of a small, bespoke practice is the premium service offered and laser-fast support between sessions. Quick fixes, 'hacks' and endless talking are simply not going to cut it in these contexts, so you can be assured of the quality and laser-focused attention you are getting. 

In couple's counseling we will look at:

What To Expect from Couple's Counseling

Couple's counseling sessions help partners focus their relationship skills including conflict resolution & support, emotional management and personal connection. They are specifically offered to partners  who need help in this area beyond sexuality work. Couple's counseling sessions help you remember why you’re together and enable strategies to help you create the kind of satisfying relationships you want. They may or may not include individual sessions and sexuality work.

Couple's Counseling sessions help you:

• get clearer about what you want.
• get clear about what you’re willing to do (or not do) to get it.
• recognize your boundaries and how to say them out loud.
• learn to listen better and be the kind of partner you would like to be.
• understand your needs and the needs of your partner(s).
• reframe what ‘relationship’ means to you and work towards realigning yourselves to that.
• take responsibility for what’s working in the relationship.
• take responsibility for what’s not working and do it differently.
• understand where you have power and where you don’t.
• practice accepting limitations and living with compassion.
• understand the power (and responsibility) of freedom and love.

In many cases miscommunications can arise from issues, that if caught early enough, may be easy to solve. That said, communication is a skill that requires participation from all involved. Couple's counseling sessions in some cases are a necessary precursor to sexuality work  as communication is the foundation upon which everything else sits. Without a solid foundation, anything you build will eventually collapse.

Relationship sessions are useful for people who find themselves:

• in the same arguments over and over again.
• misunderstanding or being misunderstood.
• deeply frustrated with no way out.
• still in love with their partner, but know it can’t go on like this.
• genuinely wanting to connect with their partner but just don’t know how.
• hoping to better understand the relationship they currently have.
• eager to rekindle the passion they once had.
• without clarity but willing to discover what they want from the relationship & each other.
• wanting to understand their relationship patterns and the effect they have.
• interested in creating a better future together.
• keen to invest in strategies that bring more connection, intimacy and pleasure.
• committed to working through differences and blockages.
• interested in solutions that are liberating (& sometimes sit outside the square).

Couple's counseling sessions can be challenging, heart-opening and inspirational. They require dedication and commitment to get the changes you seek.

Love and honesty are not for the faint-hearted, but if you are willing to commit to the process, I am willing to support you every step of the way. I will not tolerate or accept bickering, arguing or abuse in my sessions – ever.

Complicated feelings are most definitely welcome, but we will focus on developing the skills you need to change and break free from bad habits. Working with me is a practice and a ritual I invite you to undertake as respectfully and openly as I do.

Couple's counseling sessions can not ever guarantee outcomes, but it most definitely can help you work out what drives your relationship patterns and what to do about them being out of control or ruining your connection. With clarity, insight, dedication and compassion you can turn your relationships around to create the kind of connection you want.

If you are serious about intimacy and developing your relationship, I am here to help.

What Couple's Counseling Is Not

Sometimes partners think couple's counseling will ‘save‘ their relationship. This is true sometimes, other times not. Sometimes, long-term resentments are too embedded and the sad truth is, it may be too late to save the relationship. This will be determined by you. I can’t and don’t do anything to save you or your relationship, but I will support you all the way by listening, reflecting and providing resources and useful strategies to experience yourselves and each other in more helpful ways.

No relationship is perfect so we do not strive for perfection, but rather, understanding. Solutions are co-created with you, your partner and me. Relationship sessions help you see your problems more clearly and objectively. You get to understand where things are going wrong and consider whether you’re willing to make the changes required to 'save' the relationship or perhaps change it to accommodate everyone’s needs better. Some people decide they will do anything to save their relationships and take on the challenges change presents, while others decide the relationship is not worth saving, they don’t want to change themselves or anything about the relationship or opt for a new life instead. These may be successful outcomes for the people involved too. How a relationship ends can be as important as how it starts or how it functions.

I am honest and brave and I teach you to be honest and brave too. I teach you how to trust yourselves and each other. This is where intimacy lives. My role is not to be a referee and decide who is ‘right’ and who is ‘wrong’. I will point out imbalances or  patterns and provide strategies to deal with them, but I can’t make you do anything you do not want to do. I won’t help you choose the best color for the bathroom, but I will help you see why you keep arguing about it and whether you want to learn to manage it differently. Ultimately I help you decide what is the best course of action for your relationship and help you make a plan to do this through communication skills, emotional management, compromise and self-reflection.