Low Desire and Mismatched Libido Therapy and Counseling
Low Desire & Mismatched Libido
Understanding Desire When It Doesn’t Feel Like It Used To
Desire is one of the most misunderstood parts of our intimate lives.
It’s not a switch.
It’s not a hormone level.
And it’s definitely not a personal failing.
If you’re experiencing low desire or you and your partner have a mismatched libido, you’re not alone — and you’re not broken. Desire is complex, layered, and deeply connected to our nervous system, our relationship history, our emotional safety, and the stories we inherited about sex.
My work is to help you understand what’s really happening beneath the surface — and guide you toward a more connected, easeful, and authentic erotic life.
What Low Desire Really Means
Low desire isn’t a single issue with a single cause.
It’s a response — your body and mind communicating something important.
Low or inconsistent desire can be influenced by:
Stress, overwhelm, or burnout
Emotional disconnection or unresolved conflict
Attachment patterns from childhood
Hormonal shifts or trauma responses
Shame, expectation, or pressure around sex
Feeling unseen, unheld, or misunderstood
Being in survival mode rather than pleasure mode
- Lack of education about what desire is and how it works
When we understand these layers, desire stops being a “problem” and becomes information. Insight. A path forward.
What Is Desire Mismatch?
Desire mismatch happens when partners want sex at different times, in different ways, or at different frequencies.
This is extremely common — and surprisingly fixable.
The issue is rarely “who wants sex more.”
The real issue is:
How partners respond to the difference
How pressure or rejection accumulates
How meaning gets assigned
How the nervous system interprets intimacy
Desire mismatch doesn’t have to be a cycle of shame, withdrawal, resentment, or duty sex.
It can be a doorway into deeper intimacy and a more honest erotic connection.
The Nervous System & Turn-On
You cannot “think” yourself into desire.
You also can’t guilt, argue, or schedule your way into it.
Your nervous systems must feel safe, relaxed, and receptive enough to want more.
When you're in:
Fight
Flight
Freeze
Fawn
Overwhelm
Hyper-responsibility
Emotional burnout
…your body protects you by shutting down desire.
This is biological — not personal.
I help you understand what your nervous system is doing, why, and how to bring it back into states where connection and pleasure feel possible again.
Why Traditional Advice Doesn’t Work
Most advice about low desire focuses on:
“Spicing things up”
“Trying harder”
“Communicating more”
“Scheduling sex”
“Fixing hormones”
“Just relax”
None of these address the deeper emotional and relational patterns that actually shape desire.
In my work, we explore:
What sex and desire truly mean for you
How pressure and expectation affect turn-on
Why “responsive desire” is more common than spontaneous desire
How relational dynamics shape erotic availability
What your inner Self is trying to tell you about your erotic template
Desire is not probelm to be solved - it's a quest to be seized.
How I Work With Low Desire & Desire Mismatch
My approach integrates:
Somatic Sexology
Understanding how your body processes intimacy, sensation, and stress.
Nervous System Regulation
Helping your body shift out of protective modes and into receptive states.
Attachment & Relationship Patterns
Rewriting old emotional scripts that affect desire and connection.
Depth Psychology
Exploring meaning, identity, fantasy, and conflicting internal drives.
Erotic Education
Giving you skills and frameworks for authentic, pressure-free intimacy.
This is not clinical, pathologizing therapy.
It’s relational, intuitive, educational, and transformative.
For Individuals
We explore your personal relationship with desire:
Why it may have changed
How life transitions shape intimacy
What you really need to feel open, curious, turned on
How to reconnect with your erotic self after years of disconnection
You learn what your desire is asking for — and how to honor it.
For Couples
Together we work to:
Reduce pressure and repair emotional safety
Understand your two (or more) desire styles
Heal the cycles of rejection, withdrawal, or resentment
Open up communication without shame or defensiveness
Rebuild intimacy in ways that feel mutual, nourishing, and alive
Instead of “fixing libido,” we rebuild the relational conditions where desire can grow again.
What Clients Often Say After This Work
“I finally understand why my desire disappeared.”
“We’re having sex again — but more importantly, we feel connected again.”
“The pressure has gone.”
“I feel like myself for the first time in years.”
“We’re learning how to want each other again — without forcing it.”
Desire is not lost.
It’s waiting for the right conditions to return.
Ready to Explore This Work?
Low desire and desire mismatch do not mean the relationship is failing.
They mean something deeper wants attention.
If you're ready to explore:
A gentler relationship with intimacy
A more honest connection with your partner
A deeper understanding of your erotic self
A path back to desire that feels real, not performative
I’m here.
- Book a session to work with me alone or with a partner
- Explore my book and online classes
- Start rebuilding desire from the inside out