Sex, Intimacy & Relationships Advice

How To Initiate SexInitiating sex can be uncomfortable for many of us.You may be the type who initiates by grabbing a part of your partner’s body when they least expect it – usually resulting in a slap or a shove and a NO!Perhaps you’re the begrudging “You know it’s been (insert number here) weeks since…

How to Touch Your Lover(Like You Mean It!)One of the most basic forms of human connection is touch. For so many of us it’s hard to imagine life without it. From erotic passion to profound love, there is no deeper expression of affection, emotion and eroticism. Sadly, so many of us are touch-starved, not only…

Less Sex, Bad Sex & Sex Tech Recent stats show that young people are having less sex than any generation before them. Despite the so called ‘sex recession’ there is no evidence to suggest that other adult generations are also hit by this decline in carnal activities. In fact to the contrary, those over 55…

Is everything we believe about monogamy wrong? Last night I attended Open Love NY’s panel / discussion event with Wednesday Martin (author of Untrue and Primates of Park Avenue) and Christopher Ryan (Sex At Dawn) discussing their respective books and the data that suggests humans are hardwired for non-monogamy. TL;DR – Looking at the history…

What does a sex therapist do?I get some very funny reactions when I am at dinner parties and people find out what my job is. So many  wonder what I actually do in my sessions, followed up quickly by;”What kind of people do you see?””What kinds of things do they want to talk about?”The truth…

Getting Triggered in Relationships   The word ‘triggered’ occurs frequently on social media.  Originally the word was used in clinical contexts to describe responses arising from complex trauma and PTSD (post traumatic stress disorder) such as complicated behavior, chronic anxiety or panic.  While its clinical meaning hasn’t changed, it’s used more colloquially to describe emotional…

How to Make Sex Last Longer One of the most common questions I am asked is how to make sex last longer. For many of you, especially cis men, sex becomes challenging when you have to slow down and allow the encounter to lead you. After all, you long to be in control. You want…

How We Unlearn PleasureObserve children playing outdoors. Whether together or alone, they are totally engaged and at-one with the moment they are experiencing. They let their emotions flow through them without filter. They are never thinking “This pleasure isn’t good enough” then spend the rest of playtime moping about it. They simply indulge whole-heartedly in the experience; the…

The (short) history of the PenisThe penis has been enormously influential in shaping our beliefs and the cultural history of the world. Revered and feared in societies across the world, its name ‘penis’ comes from the Latin, meaning ‘tail’ and is the ultimate symbol of masculinity worldwide. Temples in India were once erected (no pun intended) in their honor,…

On Wanting & Being WantedIn disconnected relationships, partners treat each other as a burden, an obligation, a chore or errand. They cease to see each other as the individuals that caught their attention and once-upon-a-time, dazzled them with excitement and possibility.Over time, that excitement turns to disconnect; boredom, frustration, loneliness and even resentment. They do…

I’ve Lost My LibidoHi Cyndi, I am 23 years old and I’m facing a difficult moment sexually because I have lost my libido. I have no interest in sex and the worst is that I don’t enjoy it anymore. What are some ways I can get my libido back? (Ps: I’ve been on the pill…

Hook ups, dating & pleasure in the age of AnsariYou have to have been living under a rock to have missed the conversations around rape culture, #metoo and the most recent addition; the story of Grace and Aziz Ansari. While stories of sexual abuse, violence and harassment need to be discussed and their perpetrators brought…

GETTING REAL ABOUT CONSENTConsent is a buzz word these days. In sexuality education and sex positive circles it’s thrown around with gay abandon, while its definition and its processes are in continuous formation. We are still debating and describing in detail what it means and how it’s established. Many of us have recognised it’s far…

Sex, Death & Erotic Values“When we first got together I really enjoyed sex with my partner, but over time it started to change. I didn’t hate it, not at all, I just wanted it less often than him. There were other ways of connecting that I got more from  and we just cruised along for…

UNDERSTANDING YOUR EROTIC VALUESMany relationships counselors will talk about ‘relationship values’. Relationship values are what motivates us to find fulfillment in a relationship. For example, security is often a strong value people hold about intimate relationships. Without this, the relationship feels unfulfilling because it’s a value that matters to us. Others say connection, companionship or…

VD in Wartime AustraliaLast night I was lucky enough to be a guest at Dr Ian Denham’s enlightening account of the sexual plight of the ANZACS during WW1. He regaled us with the fascinating story of the spread of what was then called ‘VD’ (venereal disease) among Australian soldiers during WW1. Within 6 weeks of…

When Love Hurts…My post just before the holidays late last year was a reflection on the struggles of having unresolved feelings during ‘happy’ times. When we don’t join in with the ‘happy-happy-joy-joy’ we can feel we are the odd one out. Significant cultural celebrations like the afore mentioned holidays and the upcoming Valentine’s day can be…

How Can I Get More From My Sex Life?I teach people how to have sex – for a living! It’s the best job in the world.After all these years of erotic detective work, I have discovered what works.Common issues clients seek me out for include:orgasm problemslibido issueserection problems andmis-matched sex drives.People struggle talking about sex.…

Women & That ‘Orgasm’ ProblemOne of the most frequently asked questions I get from women in my practice is about their ability to orgasm.Orgasm is the main outcome or goal many of us focus on when discussing sex. In terms of both language and culture it’s the  default used determine whether or not sex has been…

5 Communication Problems That Erode RelationshipsRelationships are complex. Whether at work, home, family or friends – our relationships make up so much of what is important in our lives. Despite this, relationships are also a source of struggle for many of us, if not all of us at one time or another. This is because…

Join Me Around The Back… Out of the closet and into our lives, anal is indeed the new black.  Anal is the great equalizer – because everybody has one. But the egalitarian nature of the ‘back door’ does not mean that everyone knows nor is skilled in the delicate art of anal pleasure.For many, anal…

How Do I Give My Wife An Orgasm?Dear Cyndi,I am married, age 47, to date have not been able give my wife a single orgasm. Is there a single act where this can be achieved?CarlDear CarlThanks for your question. I often hear stories from men in my practice, about their inability, or at least a…

Manage and cure erectile dysfunction naturally.

Talking to Kids About Porn  Porn is often blamed for complicated sexuality, but the truth is, as a society we have never really been comfortable with sex. We don’t discuss it meaningfully, we certainly don’t teach it and when it does  hit the headlines, it’s usually from a place of alarm rather than reverence for its…