Help! Our Sex Drives Don’t Match!
Feeling Stuck When It Comes to Sex and Connection? You’re Not Alone.
We live in a world more connected than ever, but somehow, many of us feel lonelier and less satisfied in our relationships. It’s frustrating. We have more freedom of choice than past generations could dream of, but when it comes to intimacy, things just aren’t clicking.
There’s no shortage of advice out there—friends, therapists, articles all telling us sex is “natural.” But if it’s so natural, why does it feel so complicated? These mixed messages, personal hang-ups, and unrealistic expectations make it hard to figure out what we actually want. Even with endless sex tips and how-to guides at our fingertips, the real challenge is finding connection and meaning in our intimate lives. It’s not about fancy positions or perfect techniques—they only get us so far. What really matters is the “why” behind it all.
Relationship struggles aren’t just personal; they’re everywhere. Headlines constantly talk about how unhappy sex lives are affecting marriages, mental health, and even work productivity. Good Morning America says “intimacy anorexia” is a big reason couples stop having sex, while Forbes points out how emotional stress at home spills into the office. Even the tech world has jumped in, pushing couples' apps as the next big thing. Clearly, the struggle to build satisfying relationships is a shared experience.
Too Much Choice, Not Enough Connection
It used to be that lack of information was the problem. Now, it’s the opposite—we’re drowning in advice but don’t know what to do with it. Dating apps, porn, and social media often prioritize quick gratification over genuine connection. We’ve lost touch with the playful, curious side of intimacy. In a world obsessed with speed and efficiency, rediscovering playfulness as part of desire feels almost radical.
Humans are different from animals when it comes to sex. Animals mate instinctively, without attaching deeper meaning. But for us, sex comes with emotional, cultural, and personal layers. It’s not just physical—it’s mental and social, shaped by everything from family expectations to personal experiences. That’s where eroticism comes in. It’s what separates basic, mechanical sex from sex that feels fulfilling. Eroticism happens when the body, mind, and creativity come together, making intimacy feel exciting and meaningful.
Many people who seek help for their sex lives aren’t just looking for more sex—they’re searching for connection, purpose, and understanding. When that’s missing, things start to fall apart, and what once felt natural suddenly feels complicated.
We’ve moved past the old “Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus” ideas about relationships. Our understanding of sex, gender, pleasure, and power is evolving, and it’s time our conversations about intimacy catch up. This book offers a fresh perspective—one that encourages you to rethink what you know about sex and explore your own unique desires. It’s not about fixing what’s “wrong” but about discovering what actually works for you.
We’ll dig into what makes sex fulfilling—not the quick fixes advertised on billboards but the deeper, emotional, and psychological factors that create lasting satisfaction. While I’ll share research and real-life examples, the most valuable insights will come from you—your reflections, experiences, and willingness to explore.
Who Is This Book For?
This book is for anyone interested in sex, desire, and pleasure—especially if you once enjoyed sex and want to get that spark back. It’s for people whose desires don’t match their partner’s, for those curious about what turns them on, and for anyone wanting more from their intimate lives. Whether you identify as straight, LGBTQIA+, non-binary, polyamorous, kinky, or otherwise, there’s something here for you.
While I’ve aimed to include diverse perspectives, it’s worth noting that this book isn’t focused on trauma recovery or medical explanations for sexual dysfunction. It’s not about blaming anyone for relationship problems, nor is it a guide for conflict resolution. If you’re in a high-conflict relationship, this book won’t solve those issues, but it might help you understand why sex feels like a struggle.
What’s Inside and How to Use It
We’ll start by looking at how we ended up so disconnected from our intimate lives. From there, we’ll dive into what the latest research says about desire and relationships, breaking down complex ideas into simple, practical insights. But this isn’t just about theory—you’ll find exercises and prompts to help you build your own “erotic template”—a personal guide to what brings you pleasure and how to communicate that with your partner(s).
By the end, you’ll understand:
- What drives your sexual desire
- How to relax your mind and engage your body during intimacy
- The basics of erotic massage
- The importance of giving and receiving
- How to explore fantasies safely
- How to talk about what matters most
You’ll see that the struggles you face aren’t unique but part of a larger social problem, meaning your struggles are not because you're broken. But I'll show you how to fix them based on your unique erotic template.
Everyone struggles with sex at some time in their lives. In a world where neither sex skills nor relationship skills are taught and valued, it makes sense that we struggle with them. If you experience difficulties in these areas it's not your fault AND help is available.
