What is Couple’s & Relationship Counselling ?
Couple’s counselling or more accurately relationship counselling as distinct from personal counselling and sex therapy, is specifically offered to couples or lovers whose relationships may have lost their traction, focus or direction. Relationship counselling helps you remember why you’re together and enables strategies to help you create the kind of satisfying relationships you want.
Relationship counselling helps you:
- get clearer about what you want.
- get clear about what you’re willing to do ( or not do) to get it.
- recognise your boundaries and how to say them out loud.
- learn to listen better and be the kind of partner you would like to have.
- understand your needs and the needs of your partner(s).
- reframe what ‘relationship’ means to you and work towards realigning yourselves to that.
- take responsibility for what’s working in the relationship.
- take responsibility for what’s not working and do it differently.
- understand where you have power and where you don’t.
- practice accepting limitations and living with compassion.
- understand the power (and responsibility) of freedom and love.
These days we live in a culture that demands so much of our time and attention so it can be very easy to get distracted from who we love and tune out of our relationships; instead focusing on work, family and other commitments. When you’re in the thick of it, it’s hard to see a way out or sometimes adequate communication is preventing you from having the kind of intimacy and connection you once had or deeply desire.
In many cases miscommunications can arise from issues, that if caught early enough, are rather easy to solve. That said, communication is a skill that requires participation from all involved. Relationship counselling in some cases is a necessary precursor to sex therapy or sex coaching, as communication is the foundation upon which everything else sits. Without a solid foundation, anything you build will eventually collapse.
Relationship counselling can be especially useful for people who find themselves:
- in the same arguments over and over again.
- misunderstanding or being misunderstood.
- deeply frustrated with no way out.
- still in love with their partner, but knowing it can’t go on like this.
- genuinely wanting to connect with their partner but just don’t know how.
- hoping to better understand the relationship they currently have.
- eager to rekindle the passion they once had.
- without clarity & willing to discover what they want from the relationship & each other.
- wanting to understand their relationship patterns and the effect they have.
- interested in creating a better future together.
- keen to invest in strategies that bring more connection, intimacy and pleasure.
- committed to working through blockages.
- interested in solutions that are liberating ( & sometimes sit outside the square).
Relationship counselling can be challenging and requires dedication and commitment. Love and honesty are not for the faint-hearted, but if you are willing to commit to the process, I am willing to support you every step of the way. Relationship counselling can not ever guarantee outcomes, but it most definitely can help you work out what drives your relationship patterns and what to do about them being out of control or ruining your connection. With clarity, insight, dedication and compassion you can turn your relationships around to create the kind of connection you want.
If you are serious about intimacy and developing your relationship, I am here to help.
What relationship therapy is not
Sometimes couples think coming to counselling will ‘save‘ their relationship. This is true sometimes, other times not. Sometimes, long-term resentments are too embedded and the sad truth is, it may be too late to save the relationship. This will be determined by you. I can’t and don’t do anything to save you or your relationship, but I will support you all the way by listening, reflecting and providing resources and useful strategies to experience yourselves and each other in more helpful ways.
No relationship is perfect so we do not strive for perfection, but rather, understanding. Relationship counselling helps you see your problems more clearly and objectively. You get to understand where things are going wrong and consider whether you’re willing to make the changes required to ‘save‘ the relationship or perhaps change it to accommodate everyone’s needs better. Some people decide they will do anything to save their relationships and take on the challenges change presents, while others decide the relationship is not worth saving, they don’t want to change themselves or anything about the relationship or opt for a new life instead. These may be successful outcomes for the people involved too. How a relationship ends can be as important as how it starts or how it functions.
My role is not to be a referee and decide who is ‘right’ and who is ‘wrong’. I will point out imbalances or patterns and provide strategies to deal with them, but I can’t make you do anything you do not want to do. I won’t help you choose the best colour for the bathroom, but I will help you see why you keep arguing about it and whether you want to learn to manage it differently. Ultimately I help you decide what is the best course of action for your relationship and help you make a plan to do this through communication skills, emotional management, compromise and self-reflection.
When you’re ready
If you’re ready to start making changes in your relationship to help you have the kind of connection you want, contact me for more information regarding appointments and times in Melbourne and also via Skype.
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