I am writing because I have been struggling for many years with my sexuality. I have had several sexual experiences, but most of the time I end up feeling like sex has no meaning or purpose for me. I feel like everyone else is having great sex all the time- and I am just missing out. Is it just me? I just don’t get it.
It really sounds as if you are at the end of your rope with your sexuality. The good news is you are not alone and what you are experiencing and feeling is very common – especially among women. In my practice I meet a lot of women for whom sexuality feels like sex is something that happens TO them- rather than something they create or participate in. A lot of women just ‘’zone out’’ during sex – and they don’t even realise they are doing it. No wonder they feel nothing, experience nothing and sex leaves them feeling cold!
The reasons this happens can be complex but in many cases the antidote boils down to just one simple thing – The women who prioritise the worthiness of their sexuality have a better time in bed. Thats all! There are no magic secrets, magic potions or magic pills that can change this for you – but what CAN create the change you need – is a little C.I.C. Curiosity, Investigation & Courage.
Curiosity is fundamental. Seems simple enough – but when was the last time you embraced sex with the curiosity that children use to approach play time? Sex is playtime for grown-ups. It deserves the benefit of open curiousity.
Investigation means having a genuine interest to enquire more deeply into yourself and what turns you on and what drives your desires.
Courage means being able to step fully into experiencing your erotic potential- and leaving behind the fear and judgement that for so many of us , keeps us from the freedom & passion we so deeply crave.
For a lot of women sex is an area fraught with danger. Women from a young age are taught to protect their sexuality while men are taught to flaunt it and embrace it. While for guys that can be pushed to the extreme and they feel they need to be constantly ON in order to be a fully charged sexual man- women can feel that they need to hide their sexuality, to keep it safe or maintain a veil of mystery.
The result in both cases is that they keep themselves from their worthiness – and from their full erotic potential.
People of many genders deeply struggle with sexuality. The truth is you are not alone and it’s not your fault. But often we can feel really alone in this because the way sexuality is treated in our society is about a series of acquisitions ( how many, how much and how fast) rather than valued for the experience it provides and the opportunities for reverence and connection. Beacuse we don’t have enough meaningful discussions about sex in our day-to-day lives, we are left feeling isolated and as if there is something wrong with US – rather than the messages we get about sex from the world we live in.
Work on your C.I.C and see how you go. Embrace the fullness. Enjoy the Ride.