While recently in USA, I had the pleasure of being ‘had’ and interviewed by the delightful and quirky Sex Nerd Saaaandra ( you’ll get the joke when you tune in) of Nerdist.com. In this in depth and meaty interview, Sandra and I get real and raw about what makes for getting the sex you really want, navigating new sexual terrain, the difference between being a sex therapist and a sex educator and why I love both, but how they are such different skills. We also cover how gender roles are being redefined, how unnatural sex really is and well a whole lot more. Strap yourselves in for this one. It’s intense, it’s passionate and it’s online here.
Cyndi talks with Jenna Price from Daily Life about ways to tackle the orgasm gap found to be affecting Australian women. Click the Daily Life logo image or here to be taken directly to the story.
Too long the exclusive realm of men, women are successfully claiming the world of pornography as their own, and shaping it in a direction more suited to their desires. The rise of feminist pornography highlights the growing demand for explicit portrayals of sex by women, and for women.
Sex therapist Cyndi Darnell has devoted her life to the pursuit of pleasure, assisting countless women in realigning their sexual expectations. Award-winning feminist erotic filmmaker Anna Brownfield has changed the nature of sex on film for an entire generation of young Australian women. Gala Vanting is an erotic imagist, who retains ownership of her sexuality through photography and short films that challenge what it means to be a sexual being. CEO of the Eros Association, and the leader of the Australian Sex Party, Fiona Patten also joins the panel.
Together, these three women discuss feminist pornography as an expression of female sexuality. Honest, revealing and illuminating, this event gives conventional notions of pornography a firm and long overdue slap.
The more I see, read and experience through the lens of my work regarding feminism, sex and intimacy the more I am convinced it is crucial to the well being of everyone on the planet. Everyone is affected by feminism! (Whether they realise it or not.) Women reduced to gormless sex objects with little to no agency is still part of a mainstream sexual script. Men reduced to gormless sex predators incapable of distinguishing thought from feeling is still part of mainstream sexual script. Women whose eroticism is expected to be as infantile as that of new born babies matched with a male interpretation of sexuality that is brutish, cavalier and constricted. Anyone who sits outside this narrow mould is fucked over by it. And quite frankly, that’s everyone I’ve ever met! The sexual status quo serves no one in its current form. We all suffer under this current system. So yeah, we need feminism in the bedroom as much as anywhere else.
What is it about sex that is so terrifying? Why do we spend billions either pursuing it or prohibiting it? Sex is everywhere, or so it seems.
In an age where we have virtually unfettered access to any kind of sex we want, we are more riddled with social conservatism, isolation, depression and anxiety than ever. In an age where sex rules the web but not our prime-time discussions, it’s time we stepped up the cultural landscape and got a bit real with ourselves when it comes to the power, necessity and function of sex.
Cyndi Darnell − sex therapist and sex educator − tackles the elephant in the room. Filmed November 28, 2013.
Sex Positivity, can mean many things to many people.
To me, being sex- positive means I embrace the notions of pleasure and sexuality in a positive light. I see sex and pleasure as integral parts of the human condition, and not something that we should be ashamed of or feel embarrassed about – even when it causes distress.
Being sex-positive means not only having an interest in sex, but also educating yourself and others about what sex and pleasure can be. It does not mean forcing one’s opinions upon others nor does it mean casting a judgement on those who disagree as therefore being ”sex negative”. It’s about stepping beyond binary understandings of sex and gender- moving away from ideas around sex that are intrinsically subjugated into dualistic Judao / Christian notions, to more inclusive models of expression that are not dependent upon collective agreement; but rather visceral, mental and emotional liberation and consent. When we only ever see black and white when it comes to sex, we will always miss the dawning of the rainbow.