Cyndi Darnell – 6ix Perth_with John Burgess (21-08-14) Cyndi talks to John ”Burgo” Burgess on 6ix in Perth about things we can do to help kids feel more comfortable about sex and pleasure. Recorded 21st August 2014.
Around 1% of the adult population don’t feel sexual attraction – these people are known as asexuals. We speak to some of those who are trying to raise the profile of this seldom heard about sexual orientation. Cyndi talks to The Project about this little known orientation. Click image to be taken to the story.
I am thrilled to be launching the crowdfunding campaign for my next project The Atlas of Erotic Anatomy and Arousal – a series of 4 online and downloadable illustrated audio / visual seminars covering the complete anatomy of the pelvis in all genders and how it relates to sex and pleasure. Available for private download or as a live webinar with Cyndi including a Q&A.
Watch the video below and click on the Pozible logo to be taken to the campaign.
For many of us the inner working of our bodies’ pleasure zones are a mystery. We generally only learn about this briefly as ‘reproduction’ and few people, even medical professionals, learn about how the body responds to sexual pleasure. When we understand how these parts of our bodies work, we understand more about how WE work and what we need to have happy healthy sex. Nothing sleazy, just great anatomical information – straight up.
There will be 4 modules in total:
Female Erotic Anatomy
Male Erotic Anatomy
Anal Erotic Anatomy
Female Orgasm & Ejaculation
(These seminars refer to the anatomical constructions broadly referred to as female and male. Within each seminar, caveats will be presented for people with anatomical variations and differing gender identities to acknowledge as wide a range of anatomies as possible within the limitations of the project.)
Please share this far and wide.
We have 30 days to raise $15,000. With your support ( sharing and or financial we can do it)
The more I see, read and experience through the lens of my work regarding feminism, sex and intimacy the more I am convinced it is crucial to the well being of everyone on the planet. Everyone is affected by feminism! (Whether they realise it or not.) Women reduced to gormless sex objects with little to no agency is still part of a mainstream sexual script. Men reduced to gormless sex predators incapable of distinguishing thought from feeling is still part of mainstream sexual script. Women whose eroticism is expected to be as infantile as that of new born babies matched with a male interpretation of sexuality that is brutish, cavalier and constricted. Anyone who sits outside this narrow mould is fucked over by it. And quite frankly, that’s everyone I’ve ever met! The sexual status quo serves no one in its current form. We all suffer under this current system. So yeah, we need feminism in the bedroom as much as anywhere else.
What is it about sex that is so terrifying? Why do we spend billions either pursuing it or prohibiting it? Sex is everywhere, or so it seems.
In an age where we have virtually unfettered access to any kind of sex we want, we are more riddled with social conservatism, isolation, depression and anxiety than ever. In an age where sex rules the web but not our prime-time discussions, it’s time we stepped up the cultural landscape and got a bit real with ourselves when it comes to the power, necessity and function of sex.
Cyndi Darnell − sex therapist and sex educator − tackles the elephant in the room. Filmed November 28, 2013.
I just had the most astounding correspondence with a so called ”journalist” from a well-known Australian women’s magazine, wanting to ask me about owning the ”walk of shame”.
When I asked her exactly what she wanted me to comment on, she was unable to articulate what she wanted. She said ”its a cute little piece about how to leave the house after a one night stand”. I said- ”I guess you just walk out the door, the same way you arrived”. Drawing on my vast experience of having many one night stands over the years- that is what I had always done. Is it really media worthy? ”Woman walks out the door after sex” Seriously?
We were then able to establish that when men leave from a one night stand, they are high-fived and able to brag, but women ( apparently) are expected to feel ashamed. When I asked her what angle she wanted to go with regarding this- she said- ‘we don’t want to educate women about this- it’s just a cute little piece, ya know- how to fix your dress and manage after you’ve got smeared make up”.
My jaw was on the ground. This is 2014 – right?
The amount of times I’ve walked down the street in that state, with my pride in tact is probably comparable to how long she has even been alive. I told her that everything I do is about empowering people which includes WOMEN to own their sexuality- no matter what. That I couldn’t for the life of me understand what was so hard about walking out someone’s door after a night of (boozy) sex, and if it was that much of a struggle, perhaps they need to reconsider why they are doing it in the first place.
She then went on to say, ”íf you’re not comfortable talking about this, then that is ok” to which I replied, It’s not that I am uncomfortable, its just that I think it’s bullshit!
Women – do not buy into the crap that these so called ‘women’s” mags tell you about your sexuality and how you should behave. Read books, go to workshops, talk to older women or talk to me for crying out loud- but PLEASE do not ever feel bad about your sexual pleasure.
I am on YOUR side.
Love Cyndi. xx
One of the most powerful lessons I have received in my life and that I draw on heavily in counselling and education with clients is working with the notion of uncertainty.
Uncertainty is harrowing in so many ways. It brings us face to face with the impermanence of life. Love, Life, Relationships and even Orgasm all eventually come to an end. The trouble is when the end is so distracting to us we miss the richness of what is present-in the present.
Now I get anxious, like everyone does from time to time. I also get sad- deeply sad at times about the impermanence of the things that I long for and desire – namely people and sometimes experiences. It’s in these moments that I am most notably challenged and compelled to surrender to the notion of uncertainty as a permanent aspect of life. Trying to remain stoic in the face of it is unnerving and my challenge is to bring myself back into balance without getting lost in the outcome of what I fear. I have learnt that when I focus only on outcomes, I miss the experience of being alive. I shut down, become disconnected and fear becomes the default that clouds any capacity for texture and relief.
Discomfort is part of life. I cannot see another way around it. And I wouldn’t trade in my capacity to feel in exchange for a life half- lived.
Sex Positivity, can mean many things to many people.
To me, being sex- positive means I embrace the notions of pleasure and sexuality in a positive light. I see sex and pleasure as integral parts of the human condition, and not something that we should be ashamed of or feel embarrassed about – even when it causes distress.
Being sex-positive means not only having an interest in sex, but also educating yourself and others about what sex and pleasure can be. It does not mean forcing one’s opinions upon others nor does it mean casting a judgement on those who disagree as therefore being ”sex negative”. It’s about stepping beyond binary understandings of sex and gender- moving away from ideas around sex that are intrinsically subjugated into dualistic Judao / Christian notions, to more inclusive models of expression that are not dependent upon collective agreement; but rather visceral, mental and emotional liberation and consent. When we only ever see black and white when it comes to sex, we will always miss the dawning of the rainbow.