Can I get a sexually transmitted infection? I’m married!

Sep 272012

Dear Cyndi

I view the use of condoms as a necessary evil, but I have been wondering recently whether the fear I have of contracting an STI is far higher than the actual risk. All the statistics that I can access relate to specific high risk segments of the population, and I view myself in about as low a risk category as I can imagine: middle aged, middle class, long term married, straight, non-drug user, Caucasian. When my wife and I play with others in the same category, is our insistence on the use of condoms actually ridiculous ?

Keith

Dear Keith,

This is indeed an excellent question, and one which does truly deserve a lengthy answer. The short answer re: using condoms with non fluid bonded ( i.e non-monogamous / tested / 100% aware of health status) type partners is YES YOU SHOULD!

Why? Here we go.

While you and your wife are aware of your STI status ( i.e I assume you have STI tests every few months or so depending upon the frequency with which you have multiple partners, as this is the ONLY way to be sure of your status) your play partners may not. Do you discuss this with them? Are they willing to discuss their sexual health with you? If not, why not? is my next question. Being middle class etc does not make you immune. If anything , certain infections ( HPV (warts) & Chlamydia) are rife among the over 40s heterosexuals as after years of marriage or monogamy, many are out on the dating scene again and have forgotten (or never learned) the safer sex info they (should have) got as teens. Being middle aged does not give you a ring of protection!

I see that you and your wife are insistent on condoms and that is great! The truth is, it will only take one interlude ( from one of the group) with one infected person (outside the group) to spread an infection to the entire posse, including yourself and your partner. Conditions such as HPV and Chlamydia are EXTREMELY common and can cause serious complications (including death) especially for women if left untreated and / or undiagnosed. The big trouble with conditions such as these is they often have no or few symptoms and are highly contagious. No amount of wishing or trusting will make them go away!

The good news is that these conditions ARE also very treatable, but require medical intervention and pharmaceuticals, which really can be avoided by taking precautions such as using condoms.

Ideally, if your posse are an honest and tight knit bunch, you can continue to play together in the way you are accustomed, provided you all have regular STI tests. We have excellent sexual health resource teams in major cities across the country. There is absolutely no excuse in this day and age for being blasé about sexual health. Its laziness and just unacceptable!

More info on STIs can be found here

Enjoy and play safe!

Cyndi

September 27, 2012 adult, communication, genitals, health, multiple partners, over 40s, pleasure, Q & A Forum, sex education, shame, teachers, wellbeing Comments Off

Sex Just Feels Too Difficult!

Aug 272012

Sex Just Feels Too Difficult!

I have chronic pain and a host of other medical issues that have meant I’m now on disability, possibly permanently. The medication for it leaves me chronically exhausted but I still crave sex. I haven’t been active for 12 years, and I’ve had a few offers from women overseas, but even if I could go over there and not end up with my pension cut, I worry about my lack of performance. I might not be able to have an erection, let alone orgasm. While overseas offers have the advantage of being hypothetical, the fact is my life would be better with someone in it, and I miss sexual interaction. What can I do to compensate for having a disabled body? Would a woman tolerate that sort of limitation?

Women seem very demanding sexually now, and to an extent I have to admit to finding it all too difficult and wishing I could just have a sexbot! I was reading the other day that on average it took 20 minutes of stimulation for a woman to orgasm, and more with aging , and I just felt like it was all a bit pointless.

Should I just give up?

Dave

Dear Dave,

Your situation sounds extremely frustrating on a variety of levels. From your letter it sounds very much like you’re not only craving sex, you’re also craving intimacy and connection; a partnership.

It seems you’re not meeting women locally, or especially the kind of women you might like to meet. You are not alone there. There are many people, abled, and not, of all genders who struggle to find companions for life, sex and intimacy. Our culture is very ‘couple’ oriented, and this can leave those of us ‘un-partnered’ feeling somehow, out of sorts. The truth is, finding a life partner and creating and sustaining a long term relationship requires more than just having an abled body, it’s also about being willing to be vulnerable, compromise, communicate and take initiative when required.

I cannot speak for all women when you ask “Would a woman tolerate that sort of limitation?”, but my hunch is you’re after a woman who will do more than just tolerate you? A partner who is attracted to the other things you offer would certainly be capable of a whole lot more than just ‘tolerating’ you, provided your connection and communication in other areas was fulfilling for the both of you also.

This leads me to encourage you to focus on what you do have to offer rather than just on your short comings. Your fears about performance anxiety, while relevant, are extremely common among both abled and disabled bodies alike. Not everyone is a sex machine all the time! Everyone has days of feeling concerned about their performance, but when this prevents you from actually being able to connect with another person, I would encourage you to seek out the services of a counsellor (either myself; face-to-face, via Skype, or someone in your area) to talk through your anxiety issues and your expectations of yourself and women in relationships.

You admit that you do find it all too difficult and would prefer to have a sexbot. Your sexbot idea is in fact also a solution (and a valid one at that), but I wonder how satisfying that will be for you given your desire for a relationship and a connection. Whether it takes a woman 20 minutes to orgasm or whether at all, ideally would have little bearing on your motivations for sex if you are in fact looking for a genuine connection. There are a huge variety of fabulous sex toys etc on the market these days to enhance women’s pleasure, and assist in times of ”sex fatigue”. I wonder if your ‘pointless’ feeling is more psychological / emotional than physical?

You may also like to consider some of the services offered by the good people at Touching Base to have face-to-face conversations about your concerns regarding your sexuality and your chronic pain management / disabilty.

Cyndi

August 27, 2012 anxiety, communication, feelings / emotions, health, intimacy, men, My Blog, pleasure, Q & A Forum, relationships, sex, sex education, wellbeing Comments Off

Painful anal sex

Jun 282012

Painful Anal Sex

I’ve been seeing a really hot guy for a few months now and we’ve totally dived straight into a relationship. I know that we both want it to be a long term thing and I really feel that it will be. We have really great hot sex and are totally compatible. We’re both versatile and he seems to like taking turns at either role as much as I do. The only problem is when he fucks me it often ends up really hurting and I can’t help reacting – which just kills things. Everything is usually fine until just before he comes, when he pushes too deep and hard, which hurts too much and I can’t hide that it does. We’ve talked about it and he’s promised to be more careful, but it still keeps happening. He says he gets carried away and caught up in the moment of wanting to come, and that’s when he thrusts really hard. While I totally understand that he can get carried away during sex, the fact it always ends up hurting means I really don’t like being fucked by him. And its made worse because even when its not hurting I get tense because I keep anticipating the moment when it will. Lately I find that I’ve been trying to avoid letting him fuck me but I know that this can’t last. I really want it to work with this guy, so I’d really appreciate any advice you can give.

Gavin. Melbourne

Dear Gavin,

Your dilemma does sound troubling and not uncommon for people of all genders who are engaging in anal sex. Firstly, it sounds like you have a great relationship with him and this is a fantastic aspect to working with a situation like this. Painful sex is usually caused by the same few things

Not being warmed up enough
Not enough lube
Being tense

You mentioned that even though you have discussed it with him, he gets carried away and forgets your feelings. This would be fine if it didn’t bother you, but it does! First and foremost, you have to explain to him ( again) that this kind of sex is unpleasant and is actually painful for you. As you say, it’s fine until up to the end where it starts to hurt. Explore other ways of helping him cum, as intercourse is not the only form of sex available. You can extend the pleasure if he pulls out and you extend his arousal using your hand or mouth (a safer sex warning here; anal to mouth can have bacterial consequenses for you, so be conscious of the risks involved from ingesting fecal matter. Also if you’re not fluid bonded ( ie; have regular STI tests and know each other’s status) condoms and hand relief are advised).

If you feel the need to work on your capacity as an anal receiver, I suggest you practice slowly. Make sure you’re using enough (LOTS) of lube. There are a lot of great lubes around made especially for anal sex, they are thicker and more viscose than regular lubes. Avoid tensing up by breathing deep into your abdomen and bearing down with the anal muscles. This helps relax the whole area. Alternatively experiment with different positions, as some positions are more painful than others depending upon your internal anatomy. Try lying flat on your stomach, on your back or on your side!

Also never assume that great sex is always just about intercourse, or always about cumming. Rule of thumb though; if any sex hurts too much and in a way that you dont like STOP! It’s your body’s way of telling you something is wrong. Never EVER use numbing agents. They stop you from feeling, and that is the LAST thing to do when you’re having sex! Serious damage can occur when you cant feel anything.

Respect your body and it will respect you back.

With Pleasure

Cyndi

June 28, 2012 adult, anal sex, communication, health, men, My Blog, pleasure, practice, Q & A Forum, rough sex, sex Comments Off

Vulnerability, the last taboo?

May 302012

In fragile times, it’s often our most intimate and close relationships that suffer. Intimacy is the glue, the enhancer that gives us the drive to connect, and in many situations, also the factor that can be a passion killer for some and the straw that breaks the camel’s back.

I have been reflecting a lot recently on what it means to be intimate with someone, what vulnerability is and how honesty plays a role in all of this. This of course in turn affects the way we can approach sex, but of course not all of our relationships are sexual or erotic, but that doesn’t have to mean they lack intimacy. Intimacy has many faces which can be misunderstood or worse still, ignored when we only relate to intimacy as something sexual or erotic. Intimacy is the essence, the determining factor that decides how close someone gets to us and what we’re prepared to do or share to maintain it.

Intimacy comes from sharing and bonding. People share and bond in hundreds of ways; from a drink at the pub, to a long, lazy dinner , to a friendship that has been cultivated over years, a cry on a shoulder, a rewarding hug, a sporting win or a love of the same activities, revealing a truth about yourself that you trust another person to take care of, asking for help , asking for attention or allowing yourself to be seen as you really are, flaws and all, in the hope that you won’t be judged for it.

Whilst most of us have these requirements at different stages in our lives, very few are able to acknowledge this need within ourselves, let alone share it with others. It can often be the core of a nagging internal voice that manifests as only a hum or faint murmur rather than bolt of clarity. It can also be the trigger that releases aggressive outbursts, where words said, are later regretted because it’s easier to cast the uncomfortable sensation / feeling out and onto another, than to claim it as our own. It’s easier to blame others than to take a little agency, and while at times this is effective; what is the long-term cost? When this is the perpetual default setting, there is no recourse. Your default setting is powerlessness.

The rise of anxiety among not only Australians, but Westerners in general as a primary emotional default saddens me, but does not surprise me as we become less and less intimate, less and less able to acknowledge our own feelings and thus less able to share with others or learn how to listen to others without judging, being judged or feeling attacked.

While I generally tend to avoid binaries of any kind as a measure for looking at the world, it seems when it comes to emotions, we have only two options. We either allow them to be there, accept them, in all their discomfort and learn to work with them rather than against them; (thus having control over them or even better still, a relationship with them); or we can ignore them. (The latter in my experience can only last for so long before manifestations of ill health become apparent; excessive anxiety, delusion, sleeplessness, depression and a general corrosion of relationships as a result of any one or all of these things.) Shakespeare grasped the ultimate quandary: To Be or Not To Be, that IS in fact the ultimate question, the question that hundreds of years later we still philosophically ponder, but most of us avoid for the sheer terror of facing our internal truth, our shadow, that which makes us vulnerable.

So what is this vulnerability that can make even the most mighty a quivering wreck, or the mostfeeble a guilt-ridden avoider, keen to maintain the facade or status quo at any price, even their own well-being?

Vulnerability for many may be the shadow, the hidden that which dare not be revealed, OR it may also be the default, wherein manipulation and carelessness can take centre stage to avoid speaking a truth that is more confronting, potentially freeing but also downright terrifying to the inexperienced.

The vulnerability I am talking about here is the genuine kind, not the ‘’tantrum’’ or ‘’drama’’ kind where the protagonist is actually quite capable of helping themselves, but prefers instead to use manipulation or passive/ aggressive tactics to get their needs met consciously or unconsciously. True vulnerability here is acknowledging what is actually going on in the relationship in question, whether the relationship is with the Self or another. Vulnerability is a resource to actually achieve a mutually beneficial outcome rather than as a tool to wage messy, dirty conflict.

Vulnerability needn’t equate to meekness Being vulnerable is actually one of the most assertive things I for one have ever done. Having the gumption to tell someone I love them, to tell them I miss them to tell them I am angry with them is absolutely fucking terrifying when I don’t know whether or not I will be heard or acknowledged. (This of course requires that such statements are made as declarations rather than ultimatums or any kind of manipulation.) Acknowledgement of another person’s feelings is a vital part of communication and creating intimacy through vulnerability. If / when you acknowledge that you are actually valuable in another person’s life, you are then compelled to be responsible for your own responses and behaviour toward them. Acknowledging responsibility is an act of both vulnerability and power. Pretending it doesn’t matter that someone you’re close to just told you how they feel is not only inharmonious it’s also a form of rejection and an inhibitor to intimacy. They wouldn’t have been close to you in the first place if you didn’t actually care about them.

For example, we can all think of situations where for one reason or another we have wanted, or even needed to be taken care of in some way, shape or form, to be soothed if you like, or just supported and appreciated for a day, a night, a month, a life time. Where a need to be understood was crucial, but where the ability to recognise that need was impossible because the mere thought of allowing such a realisation was too much to bear. It was only with hindsight that we realised what we needed, but were too fearful to acknowledge it; instead judging our own feeling for example as ‘’weak’’ or ‘’inappropriate’’, rather than seeing it for what it is, a basic human desire to be understood and acknowledged. Somehow to admit our humanness is weak, is animalistic, is dangerous. My belief is that not acknowledging our feelings is far, far, far more dangerous. As my dear friend Cath says: What you resist; persists! I can think of few cases where this is not a universal truth. When your strongest motivator is actually also your blind spot, communication can get very very messy.

So where do we go from here? The concept of acceptance has been around for ages, thousands of years in fact. Buddhists cottoned-on to it yonks ago, and have been its greatest advocates ever since. Recently psychologists have decided it’s OK too, even beyond OK; downright effective! Good stuff! So we finally have science and spirit intersecting. (For the atheists who walk among us, substitute the word ‘spirit ‘for ‘feeling’ instead). So, what does this mean for us lay-people? It means two things that I can see so far. One is, we have one of the most powerful tools available to us to give ourselves the leverage to get a bit real with ourselves and stop pissing-about on the edges, and Two, it enables us to understand that being honest with ourselves first, and then with others (whilst being a bit scary at times), is actually a very assertive practice, and at times, a whole lot harder than running in on the defensive, but ultimately more fulfilling and anxiety reducing!

Are you more powerful when you act or re-act? Who is more powerful, the initiator or the reactor? When it comes to relationships (not just sexual ones, remember?) the most effective work can be achieved when we take action, rather than just re-action. When our default is thoughtful, emotive and inspired rather than an act of defence strategy and one-upping, we are operating from a place of creativity and agency.

Here’s the thing; a wise teacher once asked me and I will ask you; Do you want to be right? OR Do you want to be close? Depending of your values, you may struggle with choosing between what may seem to be opposing alternatives. Sometimes (but not always) you can’t be both. Sometimes you just have to accept what is there, without judging it. Your answer to that question may actually be a cause of vulnerability for you…………… and so the cycle starts again.

The old adage we teach what we most need to learn rings absolutely true. I have spent years working through issues of accepting and embracing my vulnerability. It’s still a challenge for me, but I’ve been practicing for years and it gets better and easier. Believe me. I spent years feeling nervous, anxious and profoundly deranged trying to keep all the plates spinning, while trying to look cool as a cucumber. Will I ever have it totally mastered? Probably not! But then again, I don’t know that mastering emotions is the kind of goal I am looking to achieve anyway. Emotions by their very nature are erratic and arousing. Some are pleasant, others are not. But emotions in their essence are a necessary part of life, as necessary and water, air, food and sleep, yet these things are not judged as invalid, in the way that emotions often are. Feelings add value, colour and texture to what would otherwise be rather rudimentary and cardboard lives. Why would anyone want to dominate the one thing that gives their life its authenticity, its spark and its vigour. Conversely, being a slave to one’s emotions is also unsavoury and potentially deadly. Common Sense is called commonsense for a reason. It’s everywhere and everyone has access to it………. in theory at least! Learning to allow access to feelings, process them and foster acceptance is where the magic lies. Find the edge, find the distance you’re prepared to get to, wait and see. Don’t judge it, don’t push it. Just wait and see. …………………. What CAN you see? Let me know.

May 30, 2012 communication, feelings / emotions, health, intimacy, practice, relationships, shame, wellbeing 2 Responses »

Sex Education………..why it DOES matter.

Apr 192012

Here is a piece I wrote during my Master’s degree at Uni of Sydney on why comprehensive and age-appropriate sex education is essential. I was absolutely floored to find out that Sex Ed is not compulsory in all Australian schools, and religious schools can be exempt from teaching it on moral grounds. What startles me is that this information is in direct opposition to the terms set out by the World Health Organisation about what constitutes sex education as a basic human right. I wonder how it is justifiable that sex education could or should be denied to anyone in this day and age?

Here in the state of Victoria, sex education is compulsory, but not enforced nor are teachers provided with time or incentives for adequate training. Sex Ed in Australian schools is often taught by the teacher that draws the shortest straw, and while an attempt is being made at addressing the topic on a very rudimentary level, an ineffective, poorly-trained, judgemental or sexually traumatised teacher can potentially create even more problems for students in the long run. This of course is not the teachers’ fault, nor at times even the schools’ , but rather it’s a question of the distribution of resources and the emphasis within both the public and private sector on the importance of age-appropriate comprehensive sex education; who trains the teachers in effective sex ed when there’s barely enough money for basic supplies? In a country as bountiful as Australia, there is absolutely no excuse and this needs to change!

When considering developmental approaches toward comprehensive child / adolescent sex education, a range of factors must be taken into account. Whilst sex education in many nations has traditionally been a contentious issue and riddled with moral judgement, mounting evidence reveals that denying young people access to sex-positive information and ignoring their own learning initiatives does nothing to serve the individuals involved, nor the community at large. Instead, young people should be primed for mature sexual relationships by exploring grassroots sexual health and reproduction information, alongside opportunities to develop social competence, emotional-processing and esteem-building skills. This paper will examine and address a range of sex education frameworks from around the world, and provide a rationale that calls for a holistic, multi-faceted approach to sex education from junior primary to senior high school years. This framework incorporates school-based education teamed with involvement from health and community care professionals and organisations, as well as parents and most importantly, the young people themselves.

According to the W.H.O, sexual health is:

“a state of physical, emotional, mental and social well-being related to sexuality; it is not merely the absence of disease, dysfunction or infirmity. Sexual health requires a positive and respectful approach to sexuality and sexual relationships, as well as the possibility of having pleasurable and safe sexual experiences, free of coercion, discrimination and violence. For sexual health to be attained and maintained, the sexual rights of all persons must be respected, protected and fulfilled.” (1)

This definition provides a solid foundation to measure the outcomes of not only good sexual health, but also a functional sex education framework. To support young people’s overall sexual health, graded age-appropriate programs should be implemented, taught and supported in accordance with the values as described by the W.H.O.

According to Massey, (2) sex education begins at birth and continues to be delivered by society, family, peers, experiences and educators throughout life. Hobbie (3) also notes that developing positive attitudes toward sexuality at an early age is essential if children are to grow up feeling good about themselves and in control of their bodies. Yet when young children engage in masturbation and sexual play for pleasure, adults place moral judgment upon this otherwise innocent behaviour.(4) A comparative study of sex education in several developed nations showed that children as young as 5 start asking questions about sex, and within a few years many have already begun to associate talking about sex with shame, fear of being punished or making their parents angry or embarrassed.(5) In contrast, it was noted that Swedish children were an exception and displayed more freedom in their approach to sexual enquiry. (5)This is reflected in a society that had comparatively lower teenage pregnancy and STI rates than most other developed nations across the world, until economic crisis meant cut backs on sex-education in the late 90s and rates of abortion and STIs consequently rose among teens. (6) Although young children’s needs around sexual knowledge differ vastly from those entering puberty, it is evident that children both younger and older need to have open enquiry about sexuality to facilitate their sexual choices and wellbeing.

Bearing this in mind, it is important to consider what some of the fundamental differences were between the way other developed nations approached sex education, and the way it was embraced in Sweden to yield such effective results. The Swedish approach extended beyond school-based programs; embracing sexuality as an essential part of life. Supported by a myriad of community professionals as well as parents, the programs provided a multi-faceted and comprehensive structure that was essentially an extension of Swedish culture. (7) Such a comprehensive sex education program requires not only teachers but parents to be better equipped to deal with children and adolescents’ interests, and be better able to assist when required. (8) Programs must also educate parents and community leaders on how to better assist young people exploring their sexuality. The proven effectiveness of the Swedish sex / health program lends itself toward encouraging Australian health and education developers, as well as parents, to consider Sweden’s holistic treatment of sex education in light of this affirmative data.

In stark contrast, teenage pregnancy and abortion rates are particularly high in certain parts of the USA where in many cases an abstinence-only approach to sex education is used. (9) Visser & van Bilsen note the puritanical approach to sex education in parts of the USA means it is difficult for young people to get access to information and contraception. (9) As a result, young people end up in vulnerable situations with little or no opportunities for recourse, which systematically violates of the principles of healthy human sexuality as outlined by the W.H.O.

A holistic view of sexuality understands that sex does not exist outside of one’s life but is part of one’s life. To better understand the complexity of the lives of young people, the impact of relationships, media, pop culture and the internet and their effect on sexuality cannot be ignored. Broader aspects of successful sex education programs around the world look not only at the fundamentals of basic physical sexual health covering details about STIs, how they’re spread and best methods for effective protection and contraception, but also comprehensive understanding about navigating human relationships (7), as well as the social and emotional aspects of sex.(10) Kirby extends this rationale to include awareness of socio-cultural factors influencing students’ self-esteem and ability to make smart and informed choices. (11) Many Australian secondary schools already employ programs that deal with sexual health and contraception. More are embarking upon education and support programs for students exploring same-sex attraction, whilst new research advocates additional programs that explore the broader social construct of gender and transgender education programs, (12) and recognition of family diversity, (13) all of which complement the W.H.O definition.

Further to this, it is important not to ignore the more confronting needs of young people by sticking only to safe prescribed topics.(2)Recent studies in Sweden revealed that 91% of boys and 57% of girls between the ages of 15-18 have seen pornographic films, and had mixed feelings about both the content and its effect on their sexuality.(14) By working with this trend (resisting moral judgement and seeing it as an opportunity for discussion and learning) rather than against it, (by moralising, similar to an ineffective abstinence-only focus,) programs and educators can widen the scope for educational opportunities to include addressing and processing uncomfortable emotions; both of which help develop communication skills that have significant bearing on healthy sexual function.

Evidence suggests that it is neither the source of information nor the methodology used to teach that has the greatest impact, but rather a multi-faceted approach to both content and process that yields the best results in terms of adolescents’ life decisions and wellbeing.(8) The effectiveness of sex education programs have consistently shown that a single-pronged approach to sex education is limited and less effective, especially if sex cannot be explored outside of school.(9) Furthermore, sex education programs in the USA have shown successful learning outcomes are achieved when they include a combination of clear messages around health, individual health clinic appointments, community-service learning programs (work experience / field trips) and longer-term life management programs.(15) (Emotional processing and communication skills)

Sex education is not something that should be endured, but rather something to be explored. The extent to which Australia embraces the values of the W.H.O definition of sexual health will determine the extent to which our young people will receive the best possible education regarding their sexuality. By accepting that healthy sexuality is a basic human right, and not something reserved for only a privileged few, we can confidently utilise proven approaches to work toward developing educational frameworks that are both relevant and effective.

References

1 World Health Organisation. World Health Organisation International. 2010. http://www.who.int/reproductivehealth/topics/gender_rights/sexual_health/en/

(accessed November 16, 2010)

2 Massey, D.E. School Sex Education: Knitting without a pattern? Health Education Journal. Volume 49. No 3, 1990. 134-142

3 Hobbie, C. Sex education for children and adolescents. Journal of Pediatric Health Care. Patient Education Review. ( St Paul Children’s Hospital) Minnesota. (no date provided)

4 Kang, M. Age of Consent laws: Puritan notions of right and wrong. On Line Opinion, 2005.1-3

5 Goldman, R.J , & Goldman, J.D.G. Sources of Sex Information for Australian, English, North American and Swedish Children. The Journal of Psychology, 1981: 97-108.

6 Edgardh, K. Adolescent sexual health in Sweden. Sexually Transmitted Infections. 78, 2002: 352-356

7 Pettersson, G. Why are you all so interested in sex? New Statesman, June 2004: 27-28

8 Somers, C. L. & Gleason, J.H. Does source of sex education predict adolescents’ sexual knowledge, attitudes and behaviours? Education ( Summer) 121 ; 4, 2001: 674-681

9 Visser, P. A. & van Bilsen, P. The effectiveness of sex education provided to adolescents. Patient Education and Counselling 23, 1994: 147-160

10 Blakely, V. & Frankland, J. Sex Education for Parents.Health Education, 1996: 9-13.

11 Kirby, D. The impact of schools and school programs upon adolescent sexual behavior. The Journal of Sex Research. 39: 1 February 2002. 27-33

12 Berkowitz, D. & Manohar, N.N. & Tinkler, J.E. Walk Like a Man, Talk Like a Woman. Sage Journals Online. 03 May 2010. http://tso.sagepub.com.ezproxy1.library.usyd.edu.au/content/38/2/132.full.pdf+html

(accessed November 16, 2010)

13 Biblarz , T.J. &Evren, S. Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual and Transgendered Families. Journal of Marriage and family. Volume 72. Issue 3, 2010: 480-497

14 Johanssen, T, &Hammaren, N. Hegemonic Masculinity and Pornography: Young people’s attitudes toward and relations toward pornography. Journal of Men’s Studies, Winter, 15:1, 2007: 57-70

15 Kirby, D. Effective approaches to reducing adolescent unprotected sex, pregnancy, and childbearing. The Journal of Sex Research . February 2002. 51-57

April 19, 2012 adult, health, kids, My Blog, parents, practice, sex, sex education, teachers, teens, wellbeing Comments Off