I am seeking your stories for my book.
How do YOU manage to work towards maintaining a sex positive life in a sex negative culture? What kinds of things do you do to help you on the days you feel the struggle harder than others. How do YOU manage the feelings / thoughts and difficulties that arise in living a sexually whole life?
I am asking you to send me BRIEF emails- brief being less than 150 words.
Please include (if you want):
*your nom de plume
*preferred gender ID
*any other relevant info
By doing so you are allowing me to read this info and for it to be ”potentially” included in my book under your pen name ( not your actual name)
please email email@example.com
The book is about the struggles we face with sex and sexuality and what’s really at the heart of them. Sometimes its not quite what we are lead to believe it is- and I am constructing a book that explains and explores ways of living with and embracing your sexuality- what ever that may look like for you. The book will cover the relationships between the body, mind and emotions of contemporary sex positive theory, practice and personal development.
I view the use of condoms as a necessary evil, but I have been wondering recently whether the fear I have of contracting an STI is far higher than the actual risk. All the statistics that I can access relate to specific high risk segments of the population, and I view myself in about as low a risk category as I can imagine: middle aged, middle class, long term married, straight, non-drug user, Caucasian. When my wife and I play with others in the same category, is our insistence on the use of condoms actually ridiculous ?
This is indeed an excellent question, and one which does truly deserve a lengthy answer. The short answer re: using condoms with non fluid bonded ( i.e non-monogamous / tested / 100% aware of health status) type partners is YES YOU SHOULD!
Why? Here we go.
While you and your wife are aware of your STI status ( i.e I assume you have STI tests every few months or so depending upon the frequency with which you have multiple partners, as this is the ONLY way to be sure of your status) your play partners may not. Do you discuss this with them? Are they willing to discuss their sexual health with you? If not, why not? is my next question. Being middle class etc does not make you immune. If anything , certain infections ( HPV (warts) & Chlamydia) are rife among the over 40s heterosexuals as after years of marriage or monogamy, many are out on the dating scene again and have forgotten (or never learned) the safer sex info they (should have) got as teens. Being middle aged does not give you a ring of protection!
I see that you and your wife are insistent on condoms and that is great! The truth is, it will only take one interlude ( from one of the group) with one infected person (outside the group) to spread an infection to the entire posse, including yourself and your partner. Conditions such as HPV and Chlamydia are EXTREMELY common and can cause serious complications (including death) especially for women if left untreated and / or undiagnosed. The big trouble with conditions such as these is they often have no or few symptoms and are highly contagious. No amount of wishing or trusting will make them go away!
The good news is that these conditions ARE also very treatable, but require medical intervention and pharmaceuticals, which really can be avoided by taking precautions such as using condoms.
Ideally, if your posse are an honest and tight knit bunch, you can continue to play together in the way you are accustomed, provided you all have regular STI tests. We have excellent sexual health resource teams in major cities across the country. There is absolutely no excuse in this day and age for being blasé about sexual health. Its laziness and just unacceptable!
More info on STIs can be found here
Enjoy and play safe!
There has been an astounding response to the podcast on female anatomy and arousal that I recorded with Catherine Deveny. The response, particularly from men, has been one of praise for not only having the discussion publicly, but also making it educational and entertaining. Thanks to everyone who has listened so far.
Sex education is paramount regardless of our age and for as long as I am who I am, I will never tire of teaching and learning about sex and sexuality. The taboos surrounding the alleged mystery of women’s sexuality really do nothing for creating a deeper sense of connection between women and those who love them. While many women may feel they tend to operate from a different place to men in terms of sexual communication and sexual response, the difference is hardly mysterious! It’s just DIFFERENT, and often from woman to woman, it is different. While the medical professions have previously and to a large extent still do, use conventional male sexual response as the gauge against which all NORMAL sexuality is measured, the only MYSTERY I can see is why genuine discussions about what is sexually arousing to anyone, regardless of their genitals, is just not discussed enough! TALK ABOUT SEX FOLKS! Here is my call to arms!
Regardless of your orientation, you are in charge of and responsible for enabling your own arousal, pleasure and sexual awakening. If this sounds daunting or somehow contradictory, remember that your body is the vehicle through which you experience everything on this planet. No one can tell you that Brussel Sprouts are great if, to your tongue, they are just downright disgusting! (Having said that, maybe they were just not prepared the right way!………………. I’ll leave you to ponder that.)
Even your ability to love, be loved and share pleasure is determined by your capacity to allow pleasure into your life. For example, slaving away on a blow job (and I use this term as a non-gender specific word for oral sex) just isn’t going to cut it if you’re heart is not in it, or the person you’re devouring is not truly able to receive, or actually, just really doesn’t like blow jobs………………..( yes those folks DO exist )………………… no matter how carefully the sprouts have been prepared.
In life and blow jobs, motivation is everything.
Taking the time to explore your own body is a wonderful pathway to being able to share your body with your partner/s, regardless of the kind of genitals between your legs. Setting aside time to really play with yourself or your lover just for enjoyment, without the goal of orgasm in mind, can be one of the most enticing, intimate and satisfying sex sessions you could ever have.
Let me know how you go!
In news just in, our PODCAST had over 1800 hits overnight!
What a fabulous effort pleasure enthusiasts!
Wow. What an exhilarating day! Talk about PLEASURE overload.
Pleasure of course can be sourced from a squillion locations both internally and externally, and today mine came in the form of the GLORIOUS Catherine Deveny AND everyone of you who popped by my site and followed me on Facebook and Twitter leaving your comments of praise and encouragement!
By 7pm this evening, our podcast on vaginas and some of their workings had had over 1000 hits which really screams that there are a whole lotta folk TRULY interested in genuine, intelligent conversations about sex and sexuality and its function in our lives.
I am just thrilled at the response from the listeners. I love your comments and your questions. Keep ‘em coming.